Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Environmental Instability

Remember that post from Sunday?  Well here is the follow up.  

I'm happy.  Even on days I have to force myself to be happy, I am.  What I have discovered is that I'm not happy with the environments I have found myself in.  

For instance, my day job.  I love what I do.  I'm happy with what I do and I do believe that I'm pretty good at it.  What I'm not happy about is the new environment that has happened around me.  I've been told that I'm intimidating to the high ranking person in my office because I have a lot of knowledge.  I don't plan on pretending to be dumb to make anybody feel better about what they should be doing.  In turn, that has turned the office into a bit of a wannabe hostile place.  



What I do is very simple, I go to the office, I work, keep my head down, go home. Repeat Monday thru Friday.  I keep my headphones in, do a little dance at my desk, get in a good laugh, and get my work done.  It's not my fault because you don't like to ask me questions because I have a lower rank than you.  It's not my fault that even when you ask me a question, you have to run to someone else and verify what I saw.  It's not my fault that your actions have frustrated me enough that I don't even want to talk to you without someone being present.  It's not my fault that your actions have caused me to keep a notebook of what happens in our office on a daily basis.  

See, my environment has changed and I have no clue what to do with it.  But some news that I learned last week definitely got me on the move to find something else.  I spend the majority of my waking day at work.  If that is a rough environment, why would I want to be there?

Here's to change.  Here's to change coming in its own time.  Here's to me standing up for myself until change comes.  Here's to holding on to hope.  

Sunday, July 23, 2017

The Great Adaptation

I have a feeling this will be a series of posts.  I don't want to bore you with a long post.  Quite frankly, I don't have the energy for a long post right now.  I have so many emotions running through me right now.  In all moments, I'm happy, but there are those moments that just under the surface of that happiness, I'm either angry, hurt, confused, on the cusp of falling back into a depression, or getting ready to have an anxiety attack.  I like non of those things, but I know they are all part of what we go through in life.  

In recent weeks, I've had different people ask me the same question, but pertaining to different things.  Here is the question....

Are you happy?

The thing is, I cannot just simply say yes to this question.  However, when people ask me, I think I confuse them by smiling and saying yes.  I'm not trying to confuse them, I'm just trying to keep it simple because there is a lot going on under the surface.  But let me tell you one thing, when environments change, you have to learn to adapt.  


Photo Credit: Pexels

Friday, July 21, 2017

We need to talk

I wish I had something fancy to tell you today.  I don't.  When I got in the car from a crazy day at work, I heard something that was shocking.  But at the same time, I'm not surprised because we're hearing about it too often.  

We have to stop making mental health sound like such a bad phrase.  It's real.  People are suffering from it.  People need to know they have someone they can talk to.  People need to know that they are understood.  

If you are in the United States, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.  My fellow readers and bloggers in other counties, if you could please comment with the hotline in your location, I will greatly appreciate it.  

Unless we start talking about this, we're going to continue to see RIP and pray for _______.  Aren't you tired of seeing hashtags of people we could have helped?  And no, I'm not just saying this, I've been on the side of this where I almost succeeded.  I've been very open about my battle with depression and my current issues with anxiety.  Why?  Because it's time to be open and honest.  It's just time.