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The Magic Touch

Let me go ahead and get this disclaimer out of the way - not everything I write in here is going to be on what I would consider a serious subject.  There are going to be some days where I have these really random moments that I want to share with you.  I'll share because I feel like you will understand where I am coming from and will offer advice if you feel like it.  So, since I've cleared the air, let me get on with my post.  

A few years ago during my previous relationship, my then boyfriend suggested that we go get a couples massage.  At first I was all game, but before he could make the appointment, I told him not to do so.  When he asked me why, I told him that I just wasn't excited about it anymore and that I would rather him spend that money doing something else with me.  What I really should have told him was, "I did not like the thought of someone else touching my rolls because I was barely comfortable with you touching them".  Yep, that's how I felt and I still do.  

I get on my various social network sites and I see my smaller friends talking about what a good time they had at the spa getting massages and how comfortable the robes were and all that other stuff.  I would love to participate, but I'm just not there yet.  I cannot remember exactly where I saw this, but I read where this plus size lady would stand in the mirror each day and say, out loud, "you are beautiful".  Even I tell people if you say something enough times, even you will start to believe it.  However, I haven't reached that point where I have said it enough times.  Now, I believe that I am beautiful in my own way, but the thought of someone else having to touch my rolls actually makes me feel sorry for that person.  

I can just imagine them touching me and thinking, "ew....gross".  Seriously, if I'm thinking like that, they have to be!  Or maybe I can find a really good professional that is used to working with us curvy beauties and I won't feel like it's the end of my world when their hands are on my sides and my back.  I don't know, stuff like that just makes me feel strange.  

Another thing that I would try once would be a bikini wax.  Now, I keep myself groomed down there, as most people do, but I have never gone there!  I am terrified of the experience.  Not only because of my size, but because of the horror stories I have heard from people that have gone through the experience.  I know that people have their certain places they like to go, but that would have to be something where I would have to do my homework before I ever stepped foot in that place.  

Let me just be real about it.  (This is why there is a warning before coming to this blog page about the content).  I haven't let anyone near the goddess (don't judge me) in about 3 years other than a doctor.  It's a personal decision I made in my life and I am not ashamed of it.  However, this post isn't about sex so I will save that for another day and time.  Yes, we will even talk about my sex life, or my lack thereof.  

So, back to my main topic - the spa day.  I'm just not there yet and I know I would have a good time.  I mean, what girl doesn't want to be pampered for a day?  I love getting a mani and pedi and to go to a place that offers that, plus massages, waxing, facials, the whole nine, I would be in heaven...yet, on the inside, I would be in hell!  For you curvy divas that already do this, I commend you and I hope to be where you are one day!  For those of you getting ready to take the leap and try it for the first time, please let me know about your experience.  Maybe it will calm my nerves.  But for write now, I will stick to the warm water running down my back in the shower (the massage) and my own personal grooming of the goddess (the waxing).


  1. I have to say I never really thought about a massage. I think I would be uncomfortable too. I'm slowly getting to the place where I am learning to see the beauty inside and outside myself regardless of my size. Yes of course I would like to lose weight and I work on it, however, I have realized it is a battle. Not only a battle to actually lose weight, but to make healthy choices and love and accept myself no matter what. It's a very difficult thing to do, but with other women sharing their experiences and feelings it makes it easier when you know you're not in this alone.

    1. Your last sentence says it all. For years I felt alone and I figured if I had someone in my corner telling me there was nothing wrong with me when I was younger, I wouldn't have been as stressed about my size now. I don't know why our size was something to speak negatively about when in some countries, being plus is the way to be. It's so strange. If we learn to love ourselves for who we are as younger people, starting in childhood, I think we would be better equipped as adults. Thank you for your comment and I hope you continue reading and commenting as well! :)


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