Skip to main content

Battle of the Mirror

As you get to know me, if you don't already, you will discover that I have the most random conversations with people.  I cannot help it.  I love to talk to people, when I feel like being bothered.  Now there are some days where I am just like please leave me be and then there are those days that you wish I would shut up.  Well, I have discovered that I learn a lot from some from some of the random conversations.  I learn about the other person, but then there are some times when I learn about myself - more than I wish to admit actually.  So, let me take you on a journey about a conversation I had a few weeks ago.  Also, I have more guy friends then girl friends, so don't be surprised when I tell you this conversation happened with me and a male.  

I have a guy friend and I will be the first to admit that we have a weird relationship.  Why?  Well, that is an entirely different blog in itself.  However, we are on a different level with each other and I am comfortable with that.  At this point, I feel I should tell you to get your mind out of the gutter, but that will actually contradict my next sentences.  During one of our conversations, he told me he had a random question to ask me.  I told him to ask away, but to also keep in mind that I reserved the right to not answer it.  So, to my shock, he asks do you walk around naked at your place?  *Pause for reaction*

My answer was "No" and he was actually shocked by my answer because I live on my own.  So then comes the infamous why don't you?  I said, "I don't know, I'm just more comfortable in boy shorts and a tank or a t-shirt".  

Here's another problem I have - I will think about a conversation weeks later and it will get my brain turning.  So after I let that marinate on the brain a few weeks, it came to me, am I really more comfortable in those articles of clothing or is it that I am not comfortable with my body?




You can look at any photo of me and see that I don't have a flat tummy, my thighs (although not considered to be thunderous) are big, and my arms are not even close to being sculpted like those of Michelle Obama.  However, in the privacy of my own home, why shouldn't I walk around free?  Let's think about this...I'm a a bra for at least 9 hours a day.  Sometimes I'm in steel-toe work boots.  Sometimes I'm out in the heat and I'm so sticky that I can hardly stand to touch my own skin.  Then every single day, I cannot wait to get home to get out of my work clothes, if I'm not going to work out.  However, on those days when I know I am not working out, I still will wear some sweats or boy shorts as bottoms and a t-shirt or a tank on top.  Then like a slap to my own face it hit me, I seriously do not like my body.  

There is no reason why I shouldn't be free when I get in from work or working out.  There is no excuse, except for me not liking what my reflection is in the mirror.  I can give you a perfect example.  Most chicks I know will put on makeup in just their underwear and be perfectly fine. I at least have to have on a tank top.  I don't know, it just doesn't feel right.  

So what do I do to change that?  I have no clue.  I work out 5 times a week.  I admit I haven't been able to do so this week because I have two sore ankles, that I probably should have stayed off of last week (I digress).  However, I still have my tummy, my thighs, and those arms.  Even someone close to me told me over the weekend, "you're losing weight, but you still can't lose that stomach".  Ok, first of all, don't do a half ass compliment and bashing in the same sentence.  However, it was the truth and I took it like a big girl, because I am (literally).  

I admit it, if I walk in front a mirror naked, even I say ew!  I know my truth and I know who I am within my body.  Do I feel good about myself in clothes - yep!  I have a fabulous wardrobe and I can dress with the best of the best.  Do I feel good about myself outside of clothes (other than in a shower) - nope! That's just not my style.  Maybe one day I'll get there, but right now, I'm good in my boy shorts and a t-shirt.  

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Many Years of Thursdays

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault

I had a blog post ready to type.  I was going to tell you about my birthday month and all the fun I had during March celebrating with family and friends.  And then, Thursday, March 28 happened and Grey's Anatomy hit me with Episode 19 of Season 15 titled Silent All These Years.  As hard as it was for me to admit my story, when I posted tweets about being triggered and the experience, I finally typed WE instead of simply saying you.  

I along with many people were triggered by that episode that night.  Quite frankly, it's hard for me to write this post, but I'm going to push through.  

My typical Thursday looks like this - work, workout, do a devotion/bible study, eat, shower.  At 8pm EST, I am only communicating via Twitter because I'm going all the way in with the live tweets and enjoying my time with the Grey's Anatomy and Station 19 viewers.  It's part of my boundary that I am strongly holding on to this year.  However, that part…

POWER

Disclaimer: I will be mentioning my Christianity.  It's not the full topic of conversation, but it will be in here in a few spots.  Proceed with caution.  

"He has kids because God knew when you met him, you wouldn't act right."
This isn't the first time this has been said to me.  Well, not in these words.  It's always something and then you wouldn't act right.  Now the first time this was said to me, I got a bit spicy.  As it has been a continued phrase in my life, I honestly haven't paid it that much attention.  Why?  I know my relationship with myself and I know my relationship with Christ.  So, I did tell you that religion was not going to be a big thing in here, so I won't drop scripture on you.  However, we are going to have a little chat about energy. 

I've been extremely in tune with myself lately.  I've accepted a few things about myself...

I'm an empath I'm healing I'm on a path of discovery
Did you noticed how I took…

Painful

Ayesha Curry has been the talk of all the innanets for about two weeks now.  I'm not going to dwell on this because I have other things to discuss.  However, I will say that I wished she would have kept that in a private family conversation.  Just because you are in the light doesn't mean it all has to be in the light.  Also, I get it.  We all want to feel wanted.  Even the people clowning on her want to be wanted.  But go on ahead and continue to go off about her living a lavish life when you cannot figure out how to live your best one.  Moving on...

I didn't do my first Wednesday post this month.  Yall are just going to be hearing from me once in May.  But, I try to be as transparent as I am comfy with.  So, without telling too much, let's just say the end of April and the first 12 days of May have been a horrible hell that I didn't even know could exist.  However, I'm moving along and still standing. Let's be real - anxiety is a real piece of work!

Hones…