I have always been a nice person. Willing to help when I can and sometimes being the absolute worst at saying no. However, here lately, I feel like I have been abused, to say the least. People that I am used to talking to a few days a week online, via an actual phone call, or via text have just disappeared. I understand the excuse I'm busy, but if you are trying to be a friend to someone, don't you think you can find one minute to at least say hello or see how they are doing? I would think so, but it is obvious everyone does not share the same mentality. Even if it is just once a month, at least make an effort to show your friends you care. I've always made an effort to be a very good friend because I know that is what I would want people to be to me.
As I've gotten older, and especially today, I'm having a hard time with something. The thought came to me am I being nice to people so people would be nice to me instead of looking down on me because of my size? I know that sounds like a stretch (no pun intended), but it is true.
A few years ago, Tyra Banks put on a fat suit and walked around town asking people for various simple things - the time, directions, etc. Only a few people stopped to help her. She went out on some blind dates. She went shopping. She spent 15 hours experiencing what media had portrayed as ugly and nasty. If you want to read more about her day, the following link will get you there (http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/BeautySecrets/story?id=1280787).
For her role in Why Did I Get Married?, Jill Scott gained weight and put on a fat suit. In an interview she did, she said her cast mates had pity in their eyes when they saw her. They knew she was the same person underneath, but the fact her body looked different, they looked at her differently. To see the interview, go to the following link: (http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20160756,00.html).
Point is, those beautiful ladies got to take their skin off. However, I don't and neither do millions of people across the world. I would like to think I'm nice by nature, but maybe I'm nice for a protective mechanism. Maybe if I'm nice to them, they want laugh in my face or behind my back. If I'm nice to them, they will not let others talk about me. If I'm nice to them, they will treat me like I'm human and not something disgusting. If I'm nice to them, they won't mind being my friend. If I'm nice to them, maybe they will like to take me out on a date. If I'm nice to them, maybe they will like to take a photo with me and not worry about it being posted on social networking sites. If I'm nice to them, maybe someone would find it in their heart to be nice to me and though we don't talk everyday, they will at least make an effort (even if it is fake), to at least (pretend to) care and make sure I am still alive. I would just like to know I'm not being used because right now, especially by a few particular people, I feel like they have used me and thrown me away. Communication went down from almost everyday, to a few times a week, to a few times in a couple of weeks, to them basically saying you'll hear from me when I need or want something.
I'm not sure what so called friendships (I use that term loosely) were frayed by my little (public) tirade, but if they were, oh well. I deserve people who are going to be nice to me because of my persona, not because of what I can do for them. The sad part is, that one day I were to be a bitch (yep, I'm going there), they would tell me my attitude is messed up and wonder why I am acting the way I am. To those who say that, here is my question to you - did it ever occur to you that my actions have a direct relationship to how you have and still are treating me? My friendship is a gift and not to be used and abused. I hope you remember that.