Friday, January 24, 2014

Clap on!

I've been thinking about this post for a week.  The reason behind this post happened a week ago.  I had a wonderful photo shoot with Photography Anonymous.  I absolutely love to talk with people and just have a good time with life.  I am one of those people that doesn't meet a stranger.  Well, I wanted to try something different for one of my outfits and I did.  The thing that threw me off was when my photographer told me be sexy.  



I have to admit, he tried to talk me through it, but I just couldn't find it in me.  Well, I did later, but it wasn't until I got to the end of my shoot.  Here's the thing - after I thought about it, I realized that I am still holding on to some damage that happened to me 10 years ago.  

I have an ex that was, in my opinion, just mean.  It was nothing for him to belittle me about my size.  I even remember him calling me a tank.  The funny part is, I was smaller then, but still plus size.  I remember us being out and he would look at me and tell me that's sexy.  He wasn't talking about me though.  He was pointing to other females and making me feel like I didn't matter to him.  

I thought that I had gone through the process of forgiving him for all the madness and letting go of the stupidity of that relationship, I just figured that it would be easy to move on and see myself in a different light.  Well, I do see myself in a different light, but the light isn't sexy.  I know it's weird, but even when my boo tells me I'm sexy, I take the compliment, but it is hard for me to take it.  I love to hear it, I just don't feel like I embody it.  I know that it is something I need to work on and I believe that one day it will be easier.  Right now, I'm going to keep moving forward with my life and making positive changes so that I can turn on my sexy.  


Of course, since this was a photo shoot, I'm going to share a couple of my photos.  I hope you enjoy them.  

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Nothing to hide - part II

Remember the rude photographer from last night, well he struck again.  As much as I would love to post his response and my response to his response, it was really long and I really don't want to get into that madness anymore.  However, at the end of me sending the email, I blocked him from all social networking accounts and even my email.  The funny part is that he blocked me from sending him a response on the site he found me on so that's why I had to find his email.  He made it easy, it was on his business page.  LOL.  Dummy.  

So, I spoke my peace.  I have never in my life been attacked on social media.  I guess that I should use this as practice for the next time it happens because I am sure this will not be the last time.  But, I actually feel sorry for him and his business.  Does he think that making people feel bad about himself is good for business?  If I was mean spirited, I could make his life a living hell.  However, I chose to pray for him instead.  In fact, I even told him that I was praying for him. 

I don't understand how people sleep at night after being so mean and cruel to people.  I did nothing to him.  I had never spoken to this man in my life.  The funny part is that this is the first person to annoy me after me learning to be comfortable with myself.  At least now I have the skills that are needed in order for me to face some of the horrible people in the world.  

I ended my email by telling him that I was going to pray for him.  I am going to do just that before I close my eyes tonight.  Pray for your enemies, right?  Yep, I have learned that lesson in more ways than one.  Truthfully, for the past 8 days, Satan has been on me big time, but I a standing on the word and love of God.  That photographer isn't going to break me and no one else is going to get that chance either.  

Watch out world, Shayla Em is here!!! 

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Nothing to hide

I know that God is working with me because someone sent me a message tonight that could have caused me to explode.  I said my peace, but I didn't cuss.  I just said what I needed to say and left it at that.  But, here is what this person does not know about me - I love to write.  I write about things that happen to me, so of course I would use this person as a topic for tonight.  

I don't know if you have noticed it on twitter (follow me using the link on the right hand side), but I had a moment of posting some photos that I had during a recent shoot.  I am proud of those photos and it took me a long time to get to a place where I would even think about sharing myself with the world like that.  No one knows my struggle with being plus-size and each one of us struggles with it differently.  So for someone, who doesn't know me at all, to come at me in such a stupid fashion, yeah, it got to me.  Did it hurt my feelings?  Yep, briefly.  I don't know if this person was trying to bring me down, but they only made my drive and determination stronger and for that, they get a huge THANK YOU! 

This is the message that I got tonight from a photographer:  "Don't take this the wrong way, but 5ft4in and (he mentioned what weight he thought I was here)?! U want to be a role model to women. Have u thought about losing weight and getting in shape? It would help young women realize that they don't have to continue to be obese. Let girls know that they have options/ they can improve their lives and their health."

This was my response: "Since you don't want me to take this the wrong way, don't take this the wrong way.  You know nothing about me.  You don't know my current weight.  You don't know how much weight I have lost nor do you know or understand the struggle.  I work out and changed my diet so I could show young ladies they don't have to go under the knife and do a life threatening surgery to be fit.  So, if you would, please stay out of my business and unless you wish to encourage or find someway in your narrow mind to motivate me, stay off my page.  Appreciate it."

All things considering, I think I did pretty well.  For those of you that knew me a few years ago, that response would not have been as nice.  I don't know if he was trying to be encouraging because I saw nothing encouraging.  The really sad part is that from his portfolio, he is an awesome photographer, but I don't know if I could ever bring myself to work with him.  

The fact of the matter is that I have worked a long time trying to get comfortable with me.  Not just my weight, but my life in general.  It has taken me a while to be in this state of peace and I know that was nothing but God.  

But my amazing photographer Casey Brannon (@CaseyBrannon or on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Casey-Brannon-Photography/447540855021) has taken some awesome photos of me and I am getting ready to share them with you now.  Well, just a sneak peak.  







 You are more than welcome to give me your opinion about these photos, but remember to be nice.  I have worked hard to build a community here and I want to keep it like that.  Don't worry, I will be posting more in a later blog.  In fact, you might even see them somewhere else.  But if you are looking for awesome photos and want to spend a few hours with a wonderful photographer, contact Casey Brannon in Myrtle Beach, SC.  



As for the other photographer that left me that wonderful message (yes, I can be a little bit sarcastic), I hope he finds all he is looking for in life and figures out another way to spread his word on being "unhealthy".  Until you know me, don't judge me.  Want to know my story?  Just ask.