Friday, January 24, 2014

Clap on!

I've been thinking about this post for a week.  The reason behind this post happened a week ago.  I had a wonderful photo shoot with Photography Anonymous.  I absolutely love to talk with people and just have a good time with life.  I am one of those people that doesn't meet a stranger.  Well, I wanted to try something different for one of my outfits and I did.  The thing that threw me off was when my photographer told me be sexy.  



I have to admit, he tried to talk me through it, but I just couldn't find it in me.  Well, I did later, but it wasn't until I got to the end of my shoot.  Here's the thing - after I thought about it, I realized that I am still holding on to some damage that happened to me 10 years ago.  

I have an ex that was, in my opinion, just mean.  It was nothing for him to belittle me about my size.  I even remember him calling me a tank.  The funny part is, I was smaller then, but still plus size.  I remember us being out and he would look at me and tell me that's sexy.  He wasn't talking about me though.  He was pointing to other females and making me feel like I didn't matter to him.  

I thought that I had gone through the process of forgiving him for all the madness and letting go of the stupidity of that relationship, I just figured that it would be easy to move on and see myself in a different light.  Well, I do see myself in a different light, but the light isn't sexy.  I know it's weird, but even when my boo tells me I'm sexy, I take the compliment, but it is hard for me to take it.  I love to hear it, I just don't feel like I embody it.  I know that it is something I need to work on and I believe that one day it will be easier.  Right now, I'm going to keep moving forward with my life and making positive changes so that I can turn on my sexy.  


Of course, since this was a photo shoot, I'm going to share a couple of my photos.  I hope you enjoy them.  

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