Wednesday, July 2, 2014

The root

This post is actually coming from a post I saw on FB earlier this week.  I tell you, a number of things get my attention and I have to pick and choose what comes to this blog.  If I wrote about everything that I got my attention and made me think, I would never stop writing.  

Earlier this week, someone posted a before and after photo.  The after photo was only 4 months old, but the person had put on some weight.  Now, this family has seen better days.  They have lost so much in the past few months and my heart has ached for them because I do not like to see people hurting.  I sent a message to the person that posted the photo.  The contents of that message will remain private.  I mean, I sent it in a message instead of commenting on the photo.  However, the photo reminded me of myself after something I had to go through.  Instead of telling their story, I'll just tell mine.  

Many years ago, I lost a baby boy.  He was born still and there was nothing that could have been done to prevent it from happening.  Not exactly the best moment of my life and even today, I struggle.  Right after this happened to me, I turned to food.  It was weird to me that I actually lost weight during my pregnancy.  However, after I lost my son, I felt empty inside, literally.  So I started eating.  I don't understand what tripped up my mind, but in my own way I just kept thinking if I gain weight, I won't feel as empty.  Now, keep in mind, this was the second time in my life that I had turned to food.  The first time, I was trying to get my body proportioned.  
I just kept eating.  I ate because I was sad.  I ate because I felt like I had nothing else to do.  I ate because I felt bad about the situation.  I just didn't want to be bothered and "fat" chicks didn't get any play.  Basically, food was a great way for me to hide, but I was hiding a lot more than what I was telling.  

Eventually, I went into a downward spiral and I ended up falling into a depression.  There were counseling sessions.  I learned to stay medicated.  The best thing I did was hide behind school and work because those are the two things I was good at, since I obviously was not good at being a parent.  I mean, parents are supposed to help their kids - not give them away to a nurse to never see them again.  

I lost someone close to me and it forever changed me.  It was just a few years ago that I realized what I was doing.  A photo actually helped me because I looked more pregnant than my cousin that actually was carrying a baby.  That photo helped me realize that not only was I physically hurting myself, but I was also doing my emotional self a disservice because I never dealt with the problem - my loss.  

Here's my point.  If you find yourself eating for no reason or food is what you have turned to, find the root of the problem.  You are damaging yourself more than you know and your body deserves a fighting chance.  Trust me, if you don't have a healthy body, you are not going to feel like pulling yourself out of the slump you are in.  I'm not telling you what I heard.  I'm telling you what I know.  I can't write about things I don't know about so I choose the best subject matter that I have - myself.  

I don't know what you are going through, but food is not the answer.  It may even take some time.  It took me years, but you will get to a point where you won't lean on food.  My stress reliever now is working our, writing, reading, and just doing things that make me happy - even if that just means going for a long drive.  Get the help you need - you and your body deserve that.

If you want to know more about my personal struggle with my lost, follow me on twitter @TheShaylaEm.  Send me a tweet so that I will follow you and we will talk through DM.  If I can help a person that has gone through this, that is exactly what I want to do.