This is one of those posts that may be three paragraphs long or I may just lose it and go in. Either way, one thing for certain, it is going to bring up something that happened to me 11 years and 3 days ago.
January 31, 2005 is one of the dates in my life that changed the person I was and shaped me to be the person (and writer) I am today. Not ready to go into so much detail, but let's just say I lost something I can never get back and it cannot be replaced.
On that day, I lost something, but I also gained so much more. I didn't realize the gain until a few years later, but at least I realized it. I learned I'm a lot stronger than what I thought. The people I needed most spent so much time being upset at me they forgot I had lost something. When they were ready to talk, I was already dealing with it in my own way and I'm okay with that. However, that doesn't come without having bad days. That date is always a bit rough and this year, it was rougher than normal, but I got through it. I'm still getting through it.
It doesn't matter how many years pass and it doesn't matter what you say to me, the fact is I experience pain differently from any of you and you experience pain different from me. It's OK. It's another way that we are different and I love it. Another thing I love? Having a community where I feel comfortable enough to share this little bit of my story with. One day, I'll be ready to dive all the way in - even though I think my wording, even down to my title has helped you figure out what I'm talking about. One day...but, tonight just isn't that night.