Skip to main content


This may be a difficult post.  This may be a long post.  This may turn out to be one of my favorite posts.  I'm not sure, but I do know this - I've waited a long time to get to this point in my life and it makes me so happy to be able to share this with you!  

Eleven year ago, I gave birth to a stillborn son.  Yes, I did name him, but because of the laws in my home state at the time, I was not able to get a birth certificate because he was not at 20 weeks.  The only thing I have left of him is his pillow, his prints, and some photos my wonderful nurse took for me.  Within the past year, I've also gotten a tattoo of his prints.  Out of all my ink, that is the one that gives me the most mixed emotions.  I had it placed where I don't have to see it every single day, but when I want to look at it, it's right there.  

Support for this issue, in my opinion, isn't too big.  There is still a stigma attached to it.  As for me, I tell people thank you when they tell me Happy Mother's Day, but at the same time, it's easier to answer no when people ask me if I have kids.  It's just a whole conversation that I don't always feel like having.  But what if I'm part of the problem by not wanting to have the conversation?

I've been torn between wanting to talk about this and not wanting to talk about this.  I always lean towards not wanting to talk.  But maybe it's time to talk.  Maybe it's time to help someone like me.  Well, without further ado, I present to you Project XT!  

XT is the first and middle initial of my beautiful son.  Everything I do in this work will be to talk about him, our journey, and how I feel on the day anyone asks me about it - believe me, different days breed different emotions.  One part of this project that I have already started working on is creating blankets for Rainbow Babies.  I've been trying really hard to come up with my own interpretation of Rainbow Baby so that I can explain it to you.  However, nothing I have been able to come up with compares to the wording I saw on Today in 2015.  It says a rainbow baby is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss.  In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better.  The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.  Honestly, I could not have said it any better.  

There are going to be more faces to this project and eventually, I want to set up a Project XT in each part of the United States and even around the globe.  I know what I went through when dealing with this loss and no amount of words could make it better.  Sometimes, I just wanted someone to sit with me and not talk, but just sit with me and let me cry.  Eleven years later, there are some days I still only want someone to sit with me and let me cry.  

No, I haven't had my rainbow baby.  Honestly, I'm not sure if I will.  However, if I can help just one person going through this, I know that XT's death was not in vain.  

Here is where I need your help.  If you know of someone having their rainbow baby, I would absolutely love to send them a blanket.  I only have a few made right now, but if you give me enough notice, I can have it ready for the birth.  Take a look at my twitter page and you will find my email in my profile.  When you email me, make sure you use the subject Rainbow Blanket.  If you are wanting to help, please email me and use the subject Project XT.  

I really look forward to giving away these blankets and adding people to my team.  I know it's not a lot, but even the smallest of things go a long way.  


Popular posts from this blog

Big body, big hair

Earlier this week, I was cruising around the twitterverse and noticed a cool shirt floating around.  The shirt said, no you cannot touch my hair.  I thought it was funny, but it is a huge thing in the natural hair community that people do not like for their hair to be touched.  I might be the weird one because it honestly doesn't bother me.  Now, just don't come up to me and touch my hair, but if you ask and I'm feeling a bit friendly (LOL), I just might let you feel these beautiful natural curls that God so graciously gave me.  

In my opinion, my hair is awesome.  However, after my transition from processed to natural, I didn't always feel that was the case.  I was so used to my hair being straight and long.  But, I just kept cutting it shorter and shorter until I eventually did the big chop and I became 100% natural.  

I guess now, I feel more confident.  As the years have passed, I've been more confident in my body and now I'm a lot more confident in my hair.…

The Outsiders

It has been too much going on in the blogging world recently.  I mean, I know that any press is good press, but this might have been too much.  Then add it on top of that, you get people who don't blog chiming in talking about you're just doing it to get free stuff or get a real job or find something to do with your spare time.  Let me answer all three of those - I've been writing in The Plus Diaries for almost five years and have proudly made 25 dollars (by accident), I do work a full-time job with great benefits, and writing is just one of the things I do in my spare time.  For you nosey people, I also do crafts, travel, and currently studying for a couple of tests in my free time.  

Blogging is supposed to be fun!  That's why I got into it in the first place.  But trust me, I salute all the wonderful bloggers out there making money off their blogs.  That's awesome to me!  You are doing what you love and making money off it?  If the quote is true and they really l…

The Big Bang

It's been a while.  It truly has been a while.  I am typically great about telling you when I am taking a blogging break, but sometimes, life just comes at your fast.  At the end of January, life came at me hella fast.  Had it not been for the one blog post I had already written and set up to post, you would not have heard from me when you did.  But, I'm getting back to my feet and feeling more and more like my normal self.  

I know what you are thinking - what happened?!  Well, that's for me to know and for you to never find out.  There are some things in my life that I would rather keep personal and this is one of those times.  I've told the people who need to know and it will go no further than that.  But, let's get one to some fun stuff.  

I still have been active on my Instagram and Twitter pages.  I promised to keep you all updated on my weight loss madness that is happening and I've been trying to do so.  I don't want to turn into one of those people w…