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Waiting for an answer

I would love to think I'm part of something special in this great big world we share.  I think this blog is pretty special, but maybe I'm bias.  I think my day job is special because I know I'm helping people.  I think all of my relationships are special because even if they hurt, I learn something.  But when it comes to church, here recently, I'm starting to feel a little less special.  

I feel like I have found something great to be part of in my church.  I'm not out in front and I like that.  Believe it or not, I love people, but I could care less about being at the front of a crowd.  I don't have to be seen to be heard (all the time) to make a difference.  I'm perfectly fine sharing the light, instead of being forced into the bright light of popularity.  Lately, I feel like I'm being forced into something that I did not sign up for.  

I've been praying about a decision I know I need to make and each time I think I have it figured out, something happens to let me know that's not what you are supposed to be doing and I stay put.  Here's the problem right now - when something starts to keep me up at night, I think that is a problem.  

When I started this activity, I was all in.  I'm still all in, but I feel like some people are trying to make me be all in and then some.  There is only so much I can do.  I'm one person, with a life, a full time job, an amazing blog, and another project up my sleeve.  Not saying that God's work isn't important, but I know that I serve God in my own way in other aspects of my life.  

I don't know what decision I'm going to be led to make, but I know that whatever decision it is, it will be in His will.  He loves me enough to help me make this right choice.  


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