I would love to think I'm part of something special in this great big world we share. I think this blog is pretty special, but maybe I'm bias. I think my day job is special because I know I'm helping people. I think all of my relationships are special because even if they hurt, I learn something. But when it comes to church, here recently, I'm starting to feel a little less special.
I feel like I have found something great to be part of in my church. I'm not out in front and I like that. Believe it or not, I love people, but I could care less about being at the front of a crowd. I don't have to be seen to be heard (all the time) to make a difference. I'm perfectly fine sharing the light, instead of being forced into the bright light of popularity. Lately, I feel like I'm being forced into something that I did not sign up for.
I've been praying about a decision I know I need to make and each time I think I have it figured out, something happens to let me know that's not what you are supposed to be doing and I stay put. Here's the problem right now - when something starts to keep me up at night, I think that is a problem.
When I started this activity, I was all in. I'm still all in, but I feel like some people are trying to make me be all in and then some. There is only so much I can do. I'm one person, with a life, a full time job, an amazing blog, and another project up my sleeve. Not saying that God's work isn't important, but I know that I serve God in my own way in other aspects of my life.
I don't know what decision I'm going to be led to make, but I know that whatever decision it is, it will be in His will. He loves me enough to help me make this right choice.