Skip to main content

Faithfully

Disclaimer:  I have to talk about my faith right now.  I'm a Christian.  I totally understand if you do not wish to continue with this post, but it's my truth to write.



I'm getting ready to say something that some people have a hard time saying, let alone admitting.  My faith has taken a hit over the past few months. So, I've been going to church.  I've been enjoying time with my small group.  But that's just it - I shouldn't just be going and enjoying.  I should be all in and more involved.  I'm not just there right now. 

I can sit up here and easily tell you, I've been busy.  My job went through a drastic change and hopefully, it will easy up in the next couple of months.  I do this blog - and blogging is time consuming.  I'm trying to take care of my umbrella, but even that is getting ready to get reduced.  Then I'm on this fitness thing and I do my best to make time to workout.  I've been meal planning and that is also time consuming.  

It's been a few months that I can actually tell you I enjoyed the church service.  When I brought my mom to church with me July, I wanted to be all in during the service and I just wasn't.  I really wanted her to see me excited, but that wasn't the case.  If you want the honest truth about it, I was more excited about my dress I had on that day.  Seriously, I can still tell you which Old Navy original it was. 

So, you're probably thinking "you should just be enjoying the word".  Well, for me, church is a lot more than that.  The music puts me in the mood to worship.  I hear my worship music while I'm driving, but a lot can happen in between the car, the parking lot, and the front door of the church.  I expect to hear music to get me in the spirit of receiving.  For me, it just hasn't been happening lately.  Then, let's talk about the message itself.  I love how the message is in the same series for a few weeks.  Quite frankly, it makes it easier to follow.  However, when I'm not really connecting with the person delivering the message, it really doesn't help me.  I hate to say it, but it doesn't.


Let's get to what I think is the meat of this problem - tradition.  My life two years ago is a lot different than what it is today.  My mindset is different.  My dreams are different.  My place in this world is different.  What I worry about today is not the same as what it was two years ago.  Without telling what is on my mind (simply because I'm not ready to talk about it yet), you just have to understand that I'm looking for something that my current place of worship cannot give me.  It's not the leaders' fault, it's just some of the practices of the church is not what I'm looking for or apparently needing right now.  

I went to another church on Sunday.  I plan on visiting another one next Sunday.  My prayer and hope is to be in a church home the first sunday of 2017.  Like, I may not be joining that day, but I want to be somewhere where I can say this is it and know it without a shadow of a doubt.  

Seriously, 2017 is already starting off strange and it's still 2016.  I'm ok with that though.  I'm not saying new year, new me.  I'm saying new year - let's see what I can get accomplished?  I would love to knock off be rooted in a church off my list next year, but time will tell.  



I know we don't talk about this often, but I really had to get it off my chest.  Here's to hoping

Follow

Comments

  1. I love this one. I feel the same way. I really need to find a church.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This was hard to write, but it was very raw. I hate this change that is happening right now, but I keep hoping that I will be better for it in the end. Now just to find a place where I feel I belong.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Many Years of Thursdays

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault

I had a blog post ready to type.  I was going to tell you about my birthday month and all the fun I had during March celebrating with family and friends.  And then, Thursday, March 28 happened and Grey's Anatomy hit me with Episode 19 of Season 15 titled Silent All These Years.  As hard as it was for me to admit my story, when I posted tweets about being triggered and the experience, I finally typed WE instead of simply saying you.  

I along with many people were triggered by that episode that night.  Quite frankly, it's hard for me to write this post, but I'm going to push through.  

My typical Thursday looks like this - work, workout, do a devotion/bible study, eat, shower.  At 8pm EST, I am only communicating via Twitter because I'm going all the way in with the live tweets and enjoying my time with the Grey's Anatomy and Station 19 viewers.  It's part of my boundary that I am strongly holding on to this year.  However, that part…

POWER

Disclaimer: I will be mentioning my Christianity.  It's not the full topic of conversation, but it will be in here in a few spots.  Proceed with caution.  

"He has kids because God knew when you met him, you wouldn't act right."
This isn't the first time this has been said to me.  Well, not in these words.  It's always something and then you wouldn't act right.  Now the first time this was said to me, I got a bit spicy.  As it has been a continued phrase in my life, I honestly haven't paid it that much attention.  Why?  I know my relationship with myself and I know my relationship with Christ.  So, I did tell you that religion was not going to be a big thing in here, so I won't drop scripture on you.  However, we are going to have a little chat about energy. 

I've been extremely in tune with myself lately.  I've accepted a few things about myself...

I'm an empath I'm healing I'm on a path of discovery
Did you noticed how I took…

Painful

Ayesha Curry has been the talk of all the innanets for about two weeks now.  I'm not going to dwell on this because I have other things to discuss.  However, I will say that I wished she would have kept that in a private family conversation.  Just because you are in the light doesn't mean it all has to be in the light.  Also, I get it.  We all want to feel wanted.  Even the people clowning on her want to be wanted.  But go on ahead and continue to go off about her living a lavish life when you cannot figure out how to live your best one.  Moving on...

I didn't do my first Wednesday post this month.  Yall are just going to be hearing from me once in May.  But, I try to be as transparent as I am comfy with.  So, without telling too much, let's just say the end of April and the first 12 days of May have been a horrible hell that I didn't even know could exist.  However, I'm moving along and still standing. Let's be real - anxiety is a real piece of work!

Hones…