Saturday, November 19, 2016

Faithfully

Disclaimer:  I have to talk about my faith right now.  I'm a Christian.  I totally understand if you do not wish to continue with this post, but it's my truth to write.



I'm getting ready to say something that some people have a hard time saying, let alone admitting.  My faith has taken a hit over the past few months. So, I've been going to church.  I've been enjoying time with my small group.  But that's just it - I shouldn't just be going and enjoying.  I should be all in and more involved.  I'm not just there right now. 

I can sit up here and easily tell you, I've been busy.  My job went through a drastic change and hopefully, it will easy up in the next couple of months.  I do this blog - and blogging is time consuming.  I'm trying to take care of my umbrella, but even that is getting ready to get reduced.  Then I'm on this fitness thing and I do my best to make time to workout.  I've been meal planning and that is also time consuming.  

It's been a few months that I can actually tell you I enjoyed the church service.  When I brought my mom to church with me July, I wanted to be all in during the service and I just wasn't.  I really wanted her to see me excited, but that wasn't the case.  If you want the honest truth about it, I was more excited about my dress I had on that day.  Seriously, I can still tell you which Old Navy original it was. 

So, you're probably thinking "you should just be enjoying the word".  Well, for me, church is a lot more than that.  The music puts me in the mood to worship.  I hear my worship music while I'm driving, but a lot can happen in between the car, the parking lot, and the front door of the church.  I expect to hear music to get me in the spirit of receiving.  For me, it just hasn't been happening lately.  Then, let's talk about the message itself.  I love how the message is in the same series for a few weeks.  Quite frankly, it makes it easier to follow.  However, when I'm not really connecting with the person delivering the message, it really doesn't help me.  I hate to say it, but it doesn't.


Let's get to what I think is the meat of this problem - tradition.  My life two years ago is a lot different than what it is today.  My mindset is different.  My dreams are different.  My place in this world is different.  What I worry about today is not the same as what it was two years ago.  Without telling what is on my mind (simply because I'm not ready to talk about it yet), you just have to understand that I'm looking for something that my current place of worship cannot give me.  It's not the leaders' fault, it's just some of the practices of the church is not what I'm looking for or apparently needing right now.  

I went to another church on Sunday.  I plan on visiting another one next Sunday.  My prayer and hope is to be in a church home the first sunday of 2017.  Like, I may not be joining that day, but I want to be somewhere where I can say this is it and know it without a shadow of a doubt.  

Seriously, 2017 is already starting off strange and it's still 2016.  I'm ok with that though.  I'm not saying new year, new me.  I'm saying new year - let's see what I can get accomplished?  I would love to knock off be rooted in a church off my list next year, but time will tell.  



I know we don't talk about this often, but I really had to get it off my chest.  Here's to hoping

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2 comments:

  1. I love this one. I feel the same way. I really need to find a church.

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  2. This was hard to write, but it was very raw. I hate this change that is happening right now, but I keep hoping that I will be better for it in the end. Now just to find a place where I feel I belong.

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