As I sit here after having brunch with some wonderful people, I cannot help but think how blessed I am. I'll be the first person to admit that 2016 didn't go as planned, but apparently God (the higher power I believe in) had other things in mind.
There are some things I started to accept about myself this year, even though other people have not been as understanding. I realized how introverted I am (and yet people still bug me about going out - let it go)! I like this side of me and it's part of what makes me unique. I also realized that my anxiety was not getting any better and that I needed to go back on medication. It's not what I wanted, but apparently it is exactly what I needed to start the getting better process. Yes, I'm still medicated and yes, I'm still ok with that. One thing I'm extremely proud of from this year is that I decided to talk and write openly about my anxiety. I've learned my anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of and I'm really tired of the stigma behind mental health issues. No, we are not crazy or ticking time bombs - we're people who have a different wiring and sometimes, medicine is the best thing.
My relationship with my parentals is the best it has ever been. I think this year, we finally figured out there are now three adults in the family, but I will always be their child. We can go out and have a ball or we can all sit in our respective places in their house (when I go visit) and enjoy just being around each other. It feels so good to be in this place with them and I know next year, it is only going to get better.
I am still getting back into a workout routine. Although I'm not seeing the results as quickly as I want, people are seeing them. Just this morning, someone told me my face was smaller. I'll take my small victory!!! I'm doing my best to get back into yoga because I miss the flexibility. Don't let my plus body fool you, I can bend and I will bend better in 2017.
My plus body. This blog - The Plus Diaries! Goodness, what a year it has been in this blog! Including this post you are reading right now, I've written in this blog 121 times this year! I haven't written that much in the past 3 years combined. I was determined to get this blog out more and I think I did well. Now, just to keep up this intensity. I can't promise 121 next year, but I can promise more posts and new elements!
I try to stay out of my personal life in this blog, but since I'm reflecting on the entire year, I owe it to you to give you some insight. I grew closer to some people and some people, I learned that distance was best. I learned what I could tell people and what I couldn't. Just because I talk about it on here (or twitter) doesn't mean that I'm going to talk to you about it in person. I figured out that some people only were nosey or were using it as ammunition to shoot me in the back. That's fine. You're all at a safe distance and in 2017, that distance will grow until I feel safe. My love and I hit a rocky patch, but any decent relationship goes through those moments. The fact that we have both decided to do better is great and I hope we get back on steady and level ground in 2017. On the other hand, I'm glad we hit this patch because we both learned the meaning of the word "fight". You have to fight for what you want and not be afraid of the battle.
I know I pride myself on finding the positive in everything, but that doesn't mean that I think 2016 was great. I found a good thing to celebrate each day, but 2016 was a savage. I'm still not where I thought I would be and it's not because I didn't try. This was one of those years where I took five steps forward, just to take twenty backwards. It's hard to move ahead when you feel everything is crashing in around you. But with that crashing, I did learn this about me - I'm a lot stronger than what I ever thought I was. On the days when I would have rather stayed in bed, I got up. On the days it would have been easier to take my own life, I talked to someone. On the nights I thought about doing something dangerous, I stayed in. It takes a strong person to not take the easy way out.
So, in all of this craziness and the savageness that was 2016, I have to give it its proper name. 2016 was the year of my strong woman. Even on the days where my head was just above water, I never drowned. That inner person I carry with me is a lot bigger than I ever imagined and I am so thankful she showed up when I needed her to over this entire year.
Well, bring on 2017. No, there are not any resolutions for this year. I've set some goals for my blog, but no personal resolutions. I believe I should always strive to be better today than I was yesterday. Might as well stick with that in 2017 and the years I hope to have to come.
As you venture out or stay in tonight, I wish you safe travels, fun times, and a wonderful time watching TV. I hope 2017 brings you all the desires of your heart and then some. Be safe. Be epic. Be you.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Please note: All photos courtesy of Pexels!