Friday, May 12, 2017

More than you know

If you're looking for a long post right now, this isn't going to be it!  However, I did want to share something with you that made me feel really great.  

For the past couple of weeks, I've been experiencing my version of radio silence.  I've been keeping to myself and just trying to focus on my life and all that happening around me.  Sometimes, we are moving so quickly, we don't really enjoy what is happening.  That caused my anxiety level to build to a point of where I just needed to stop because I knew that the world around me couldn't.  In my moment of solitude, I learned something though - 

your friends still want to be there!  

I had several people reach out to me and one friend even saw me while I was having lunch with my coworkers.  However, I just couldn't bring myself out of what I am experiencing.  Then during a conversation over the weekend, a friend of mine said something that was too sweet and meant more than she realizes...

"I hate when you are like this because I feel like there is nothing I can do"

What I couldn't explain is that she did all that she could do - she let me have my solitude and I am so grateful and more appreciative of that than she could ever understand.  When I have anxiety, it may not be a single trigger.  This was the case in this long version of an attack.  Although I wasn't in a good place, I wasn't in a dark place.  It was just partly cloudy.  Am I still there?  Yes.  Am I working on sunny days ahead?  Of course.  But friends of people with anxiety, please don't worry about us too much.  As for me, I get worried that my friends are worried and the cycle starts all over again.  Just give us a moment.  We will find our way back and if we need help, I am not afraid to ask.  

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