tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6272224364938427622024-03-19T00:10:40.257-04:00The Plus DiariesThe chronicles of a nerdy big chick trying to maintain a certain level of mental health in this small world through fitness, food, and adventures. Can't wait for you to join me on this wild ride of life! MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.comBlogger387125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-64658861471659410572022-04-27T10:00:00.001-04:002022-04-27T10:00:00.182-04:00The Case Of the Mondays - Funny Edition<p>Well, well, well! Welcome back to the madness because boy do I have some madness for you! This is a case of screenshots, no manners, and TikTok in my own words. Ready?</p><p>I was minding my own biz on Monday morning when my best guy friend and I were having a typical chat for us. Our type of typical is starting with a good laugh because it's just what we do. I sent him a meme and dammit if he didn't send me back a photo of mine that I had sent him with his version of a meme. Because we funny and act up, I fixed it and turned it into the meme you see below. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzZMZGiaj80Tj7emvpw6Qjt0rfE2nO5gRMY4Rwq8ESAHFZO_ldDx06nxExMp5WCj6zD3RrQ2xqeFprERqN2pLRTSxSf9oCCJhSYh4r4bXNzjB4W875wJEio3tQZXTh1pIUG8WZ3buIGvEKlj6dyKgwyik3AykUhsUg4uVwmRgcNfeS_BFstTqh3g/s750/IMG_20220426_195542.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="562" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzZMZGiaj80Tj7emvpw6Qjt0rfE2nO5gRMY4Rwq8ESAHFZO_ldDx06nxExMp5WCj6zD3RrQ2xqeFprERqN2pLRTSxSf9oCCJhSYh4r4bXNzjB4W875wJEio3tQZXTh1pIUG8WZ3buIGvEKlj6dyKgwyik3AykUhsUg4uVwmRgcNfeS_BFstTqh3g/s320/IMG_20220426_195542.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p>Now, before we proceed, there are a few things you need to know and if ANY of these offend you, I suggest you stop reading at the one that offends you. </p><p>1 - I'm a big girl, but I love my legs.</p><p>2 - I'm grown.</p><p>3 - My grace is not sufficient, but Jesus gives plenty of it. </p><p>If we're good, we're moving on. If not, farewell. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhvUMkp7dWHJHGDwibEqBP0D5n-Dtcpw74C5VpgfNLF_Id5BliQPoPRenXyopp4Sdt8alVvvTx1gmmVBJ3vygxPneg3u8sqY7XNoRxIPB2pUiVA3RoYPF26kwLvHvINxY1-pZ3uT9-P6xWAfH0H2J23n6KJ9xutCkyLGlFm4wmmzzf00kDI6F7A/s1897/Screenshot_20220426-201146_Messages.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1897" data-original-width="958" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvhvUMkp7dWHJHGDwibEqBP0D5n-Dtcpw74C5VpgfNLF_Id5BliQPoPRenXyopp4Sdt8alVvvTx1gmmVBJ3vygxPneg3u8sqY7XNoRxIPB2pUiVA3RoYPF26kwLvHvINxY1-pZ3uT9-P6xWAfH0H2J23n6KJ9xutCkyLGlFm4wmmzzf00kDI6F7A/s320/Screenshot_20220426-201146_Messages.jpg" width="162" /></a></div>The person I made the meme for (aka Guy Best Friend) loved it...because we cool and silly like that. It's just what we do. Full disclosure, when I first got this tattoo, not only did I post it, but my artist posted it as well. Even though this tattoo is all the way up my thigh with a quote at the TOP of my thigh (this is not visible to the general public), I dubbed this tattoo "the vine" because the majority of what you see (unless I'm naked or in a bathing suit) is the vine. Various photos of "the vine" are on any of my social media sites. Quite frankly, out of 11, this is my favorite tattoo (even though they all mean something to me). I had the idea, my artist brought it to life, and now "the vine" wants to be climbed. <p></p><p>Again, I'm grown. </p><p>So, after me and Guy Best Friend have a good laugh and chat, I tell him "Oh, this is a perfect TikTok" because of something that went down a couple of weeks ago. I knew he would get it and enjoy it. And seeing how as of this writing, it has gotten over 750 views (of a leg yall, a pretty leg at that), although everyone didn't get the insider, they definitely enjoyed the view. If you are not one of those views and want to check it out, just click <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@themeikashay" target="_blank">here</a> and give me a follow while you are there. The arrow is in the way but he say's "we gone work on that" when talking about my photoshop capabilities.</p><p>Let's keep it moving. </p><p>Guy Best Friends sees the post and instead of liking or commenting, he texts me back instead (because he knew someone was lurking). From his text, I knew we had a winner and we had accomplished the Monday Morning Mission of laughter...and we move on until late Monday morning. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwavHE6G0i0HF0DwG5-1obIbJfKYWgqT2kpQrIOstIt8F2Rb1FqKbbVoWaRGicnvL9NItSHN-FBbenYMBe7fQ-FYDnDS8mL7cJOBJ6MuHxGpzBLXbk0KKkzgcEXUxMZtxGGXfJf7t0qNRJIoZFcYtVhkY9jfqeSvgENNpiCc8QY05d49b6O9M1fw/s952/Screenshot_20220426-195525_Messages.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="639" data-original-width="952" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwavHE6G0i0HF0DwG5-1obIbJfKYWgqT2kpQrIOstIt8F2Rb1FqKbbVoWaRGicnvL9NItSHN-FBbenYMBe7fQ-FYDnDS8mL7cJOBJ6MuHxGpzBLXbk0KKkzgcEXUxMZtxGGXfJf7t0qNRJIoZFcYtVhkY9jfqeSvgENNpiCc8QY05d49b6O9M1fw/s320/Screenshot_20220426-195525_Messages.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p>My <a href="https://www.instagram.com/themeikashay/" target="_blank">IG Profile</a> is public, but if we not cool like that, you have to get approved to send me a message. I approved the message above. I don't have it on private because I teach yoga (even though I do have a yoga page), like to share my crafting, and also because it's just a fun space for me and introvertedly mingle without all the actual extroverting. </p><p>Someone whose name rhymes with "you" (aka Madam No Manners) sends me this message and I'm like <i>here we go </i>(which is why Guy Best Friend didn't comment on the TikTok). Background info - Guy Best Friend SAYS he's not dating this woman, never dated this woman (f*cking is not the same as dating), and that he's absolutely 1000% (in your best Maury impersonation) SINGLE! Ok, Guy Best Friend, I see you claiming your singleness and ish! Personally I don't care because Guy Best Friend knows that I have a work crush (yes, lawd) and that I'm still extremely active on Bumble (when I feel like extroverting). </p><p>There is obviously a disconnect somewhere between THEM, but that's not my battle or job to figure out. But ain't this a Dateline episode ready to happen?! And please know I'm going to be cute when I sit down with Keith Morrison for my interview. Don't worry, I've already told Guy Best Friend I would do him proud as he watches me from the heavens after his fatal attraction has occured. </p><p>Just to circle back, Madam No Manners sends me that message where I block out guy best friends name (because I know yall some detectives)! Just rude. Can we get some type of salutation because you've never seen me and above all, it's just good home training. </p><p>By now, we all know I'm giving a solid <i>Tamar </i>with my facial expression and I really don't care. Glasses and all, yall!!! But dammit, this is ridiculous! </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0IzJ4zT2q4QuHBT224QLrswuKt6ndstQLSR5zxNzqhZHQre1hL4Y6SqIXv5QHr2lP9yrJDsiIR47tksAuI5tuXPXZjwsnPFjztHTcEJpoTzduQaHrvLb8YhecfhVGEz4ac5yhOsmgJCyXoPO6en8ZI6dDfYO-AvoewyPEuxPXOR3XYhkaTlwxVg/s1184/Screenshot_20220425-124658_Instagram.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1184" data-original-width="849" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0IzJ4zT2q4QuHBT224QLrswuKt6ndstQLSR5zxNzqhZHQre1hL4Y6SqIXv5QHr2lP9yrJDsiIR47tksAuI5tuXPXZjwsnPFjztHTcEJpoTzduQaHrvLb8YhecfhVGEz4ac5yhOsmgJCyXoPO6en8ZI6dDfYO-AvoewyPEuxPXOR3XYhkaTlwxVg/s320/Screenshot_20220425-124658_Instagram.jpg" width="229" /></a></div>Any time I have ever posted Guy Best Friend on the socials, it's been for fun. I've even asked him if I needed to take ANY of the posts down and he said "no". Welp! <div><br /></div><div>So Madam No Manners tries to come to me like <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGsyJvn9FiA" target="_blank">this</a> and I had to break it down about how I don't appreciate not getting a greeting. That tears up my southern nerves, yall!!! </div><div><br /></div><div>This is actually where the conversation ended too because like I said, THIS ISN'T MY FIGHT! </div><div><br /></div><div>I can only go off what Guy Best Friend tells me and OBVIOUSLY Guy Best Friend and I have nothing going on because he knows about my work crush (lordt, I just be swooning when I think about him) and the Bumble show. If I was in a relationship with someone, why would I tell him about someone I would rather be in a relationship with (because work crush is a good man, yall)? I don't know how to make the math make sense to Madam No Manners, but I'm done trying. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, here we are. Ain't heard from Madam No Manners today (and hope not ever again), but Guy Best Friend been in the texts and we been laughing like normal. And here I was thinking I didn't want to post anything this week! </div><div><center><center>
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<p><left> </left></p></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-67282536179561916582022-04-13T10:00:00.001-04:002022-04-13T10:00:00.188-04:00That's It, That's the Post<p>Where to start? So much has happened. How about I not bore you with details, but instead give you something short and sweet? Perfect!!!</p><p>Had the rona in February and survived that ish. My lingering effect is tiredness and possibly a lung issue, but the doctor will have more on that later. I mean, I am severely asthmatic, so I'm not surprised. </p><p>Celebrated another year around the sun in March. I'm celebrating to mid-April, but I'm having more toned down events because I get tired quickly since having rona. But those after work naps are life! </p><p>Started talking to someone on Bumble and so far, so good with the conversation. That's really all I have with that situation at this point. </p><p>I started working again in a yoga studio and I absolutely love it!!!</p><p>I went out with my best friend. People have been calling it a date, but I didn't consider it a date and I'm pretty sure he didn't either. But since I love to give the people what they want, we will discuss this in a later post. Probably later this month! </p><p>I saw Katt Williams and he had Mark Curry and Luenell with him. In other words, it was absolutely awesome. </p><p>I'm trying to go into the out a little bit more, but please keep in mind that I'm an introvert and I really don't like people like that. Safest place for me is alone with a book or doing something creative. </p><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-27550315929458047802022-02-23T10:00:00.001-05:002022-02-23T10:00:00.186-05:00It Passes All UnderstandingI have been doing really well with taking care of myself lately. Want to know how I have managed to do this? Boundaries. Boundaries bring me a beautiful peace.<div><br /></div><div>Let me tell you something - boundaries are an extremely amazing thing. I had no clue what I had been missing by NOT setting boundaries. </div><div><br /></div><div>Self-care is so important and should not be treated as a trend. It should be something that you participate in each day. I can't tell you how to self-care because that is totally up to you. But I can tell you a few ways I set boundaries in order to care for myself and maybe it will give you a few ideas. </div><div><br /></div><div>The following list is in no particular order, but these are some of my absolute favorite boundaries:</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Using the DND function on my phone</li><li>Not forcing myself to go to events I don't want to attend</li><li>Believing <i>NO </i>is a complete sentence</li><li>Understanding my own limits with helping people</li><li>Stating exactly what I need</li><li>Standing up for myself</li><li>Taking breaks from social media</li><li>Having a morning and evening routine</li><li>Being responsible for my own happiness</li><li>Removing myself from unhealthy situations</li><li>Not taking on more than I can handle</li><li>Taking time off from work when needed</li><li>Making my exit when I'm ready</li></ul><div>What are some boundaries you have set for yourself?</div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-2052328294658788812022-02-09T10:00:00.001-05:002022-02-09T10:00:00.181-05:00GraduationIf you have been part of this TPD journey with me, it's no secret to you that I'm in therapy and have been in therapy for a couple of years. For my new readers, welcome to TPD!!! My mental health diagnosis is generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and major depressive disorder. Yep, this smiling chick has to mental health disorders and happily medicated. But there is so much more to me than mental illness. <div><br /></div><div>In December, I had a small situation with my ex (see previous post). But the thing that was great was that same day, I actually had a therapy appointment. I remember being very lost for words during my session and my therapist was so awesome with asking me questions and helping me walk through what I was feeling. And then she got me by asking me this...</div><div><br /></div><div>HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN YOU ALLOWED YOURSELF TO FEEL TODAY?</div><div><br /></div><div>I told her I didn't feel any different because allowing myself to feel was second nature to me now. She smiled and said, "I think you are ready to move on".</div><div><br /></div><div>Say what nah? Ma'am, I'm just going through something major and you telling me you ready to set me free? Like you really going to pass me to someone else during a time like this? </div><div><br /></div><div>She sure did! Did it hella smooth too. She gave me the info of two therapists she recommended for the next part of my mental health journey. I did some research and decided on one of them and had my consultation. </div><div><br /></div><div>First consultation? New therapist had blue hair and I knew then I was going to be in great hands. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, happy graduation to me!!! I'm so proud of the strides I've made with my former therapist and I am looking forward to making more strides with Dr. J. </div><div><br /></div><div>Mental health is just as important and physical health and it's time to start taking mental health seriously! </div><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-40428758239217317122022-01-26T10:00:00.011-05:002022-01-26T10:00:00.177-05:00The BlanketSo, this going to sound like some really petty ish and I really don't care. Yall know I do my best to give you absolute honesty and change names to respect the privacy of others. Today, it's time for that absolute honesty. <div><br /></div><div>I broke up with my ex boyfriend in July 2018. The sad part is, I wasn't even sad about it. In fact, the people around me who knew me the best and had seen me on some rough days straight up told me I was looking better and happier without him. Yes, breaking up with him did feel like a weight was lifted. Near the end of our five year relationship, I felt like I wasn't the only one and that was the thing that put me over the edge. And then December 2021 happened. </div><div><br /></div><div>A mutual friend of ours (and I use the term <i>friend</i> very loosely now) got married. Bridge and groom looked so beautiful and happy and my ex was up in the photos cheesin in his role of being the best man...but something else got my attention. His wedding ring. </div><div><br /></div><div>Yep! I did the thing you are not supposed to do and went hunting for information. I'm not exactly sure what I was looking for, but I found enough. He's happily married and I am genuinely happy for him and his wife. That's all I want for people - to find their happiness. What hurt was the discovery that he dated this woman four of the five years we dated. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know what your thinking because I thought it myself - exactly how dumb are you? The only comeback I have is that I loved him and thought I was going to be the bridge. But that isn't what hurt. </div><div><br /></div><div>I talked to him. I needed to know something. I asked him was I the main or the side. He told me I wasn't anything. Those words punched me right in the gut. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. </div><div><br /></div><div>The normal thing happened that night. There were a lot of tears, two of my besties came over, wine was poured, and then I put them out of my place so I could go to sleep. Yall know I didn't sleep. I went into the office the next day looking good and rough, but it was what I did before I went to work that made me proud. </div><div><br /></div><div>He had bought me a blanket. I really loved that blanket. It was a good blanket and it was so damn cozy. And all those good things about that blanket that I loved couldn't make me keep it because I loved myself more. I stuffed it in a trash bag and out it went. Dammit, I needed a new blanket. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjc6Xmqe9AoNwT_zzgS_cqVitWPq_EkvNA6V0cwMir2e2TSRxOn4OLVd1Y7AM_sRpc8pxzIvDFfaf4TAuIDRDchrFgDjrCvOWXgsnlDMVaTpggpcHtoE-sA-MeVrFPrszGwfs1svZgvqCAuZVt_Oe8YmCNP2AFJz2kKIH4TZJGxyLUn5YxRCSSdmw=s9752" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="8502" data-original-width="9752" height="279" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjc6Xmqe9AoNwT_zzgS_cqVitWPq_EkvNA6V0cwMir2e2TSRxOn4OLVd1Y7AM_sRpc8pxzIvDFfaf4TAuIDRDchrFgDjrCvOWXgsnlDMVaTpggpcHtoE-sA-MeVrFPrszGwfs1svZgvqCAuZVt_Oe8YmCNP2AFJz2kKIH4TZJGxyLUn5YxRCSSdmw=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by @themeikashay</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>Two weeks later, I bought me a new blanket. See what it says? Be happy. Yes, I chose it for a reason. It was replacing the blanket that had so many memories tied to it. It was replacing the blanket from the person who hurt me so. It's an every day reminder to <i>be happy. </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>The lesson for me? Choose yourself first...always. I needed that reminder because I had forgotten who I was briefly one Thursday and Friday while I was feeling my feelings. But when I was ready (and you see that didn't take long), I was back and I had the most coziest reminder. </div><div><br /></div><div>For those of you wondering, yes, errrrrbody got blocked! If I even think they knew what he was up to, they got blocked. Block. Blocked. Blockity Block!!! Peace will be protected at all costs. </div><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-3983879961335400892022-01-12T10:00:00.007-05:002022-01-12T10:00:00.216-05:00Let's Be Quick<p>Trying to stick with the second and fourth Wednesday of the month. I absolutely hope I can keep it up because I feel like I have plenty of stories to tell this year. Quite frankly, I have a few already, but you will have to wait for those. </p><p>I believe I want to let you more into my life this year, including the downs. Maybe let you in on the fumbles on Bumble. Or who knows, I might have some luck on there. I have no doubt I will go through some massive change this year that you will like to know about. I've graduated to a new therapist, so I know I will have an interesting story of how she needed therapy after at least one session with me. </p><p>But there are a few things I want you to know about yourself as we dive into 2022...</p><p>You are loved. </p><p>You are awesome.</p><p>You are going to slay!!!</p><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-71816926331899578312021-12-31T22:00:00.005-05:002021-12-31T22:00:00.158-05:00Year End Review - Book 2021<p>Another end of year is upon us and I think I speak for a lot of us when I say "we are so done". For me, the last three weeks have been brought to me by the letters W, T, and F. But hey, I lived, I learned, and didn't have to buy any Luvs. </p><p>I would love to give advice on how I got through my toughest days. I want to seriously tell you that your days are going to get better in three to five business days. I wish I had the magic code to give you that would take all the physical and emotional pain away. But the truth is this - I throw temper tantrums that would make a toddler question their tantrum abilities on my toughest days; sometimes it takes three to five business weeks to get better; and the worst honesty is that the pain might not go away, but it does become a little bit more manageable. </p><p>So, here is what I want to say about 2021...</p><p>It's been real. It's been realer than I thought it could get. I'm ready for it to go. </p><p>But here is what I want to say to YOU about 2021...</p>
<p>Congratulations! You made it! </p>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">You got through your toughest and most painful days of the year. You kicked azz, took names, and didn't play any games. However, you did it all and even made sure to take care of yourself. You took the time off. You read the book. You tried the new recipe. You took the long bath. You learned that "NO" was not only a word, but a complete sentence. You learned your worth and added tax. You slayed each beast that came near you. It might not have been pretty, but that victory is still yours. You mourned the nouns that needed to be mourned and trashed the nouns that needed to be trashed. You put yourself first in your own life. You affirmed what your circle had been telling you. You splashed water on your face, gave yourself a pep-talk, and you finished the assignment. You are the best you've ever been, but you know that your best is yet to come. </span></span></p><div><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></div><div><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><center><p>Here's to 2022 and everything that comes along with it. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!</p></center></span></div></span></span></div>
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</center><p></p></center><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-18264598074834601052021-10-13T10:00:00.088-04:002021-10-13T10:00:00.198-04:00Watch Your Own Six<p>Real talk, I hadn't even planned on doing any more posts this year. It's holiday season, I'm busy with family stuff, and I have something going on that I am so excited about (I'll tell you later, maybe). But, after the twists and turns my life has taken over the past week, I had to share this foolishness with you!!! </p><p>I wrote an email to a coworker because of a situation and I did a bcc for to my boss because I knew ish was going to pop off. And popped the eff off it did! Coworker in question all upset that I sent an email instead of talking to her directly and she let that be known during our Team Meeting. But this is where I know my years of therapy has paid off...</p><p>I recognized the gaslighting. In the email, I straight up said <i>I feel </i>and <i>I thought. </i>Put it on my feelings because I didn't want her to feel victimized. But when I tell you that gaslit me up! Each time I spoke, the entire situation was turned back on me and I ended up apologizing for having feelings and expressing them. Then they said, "I would like to hear what you have to say". </p><p>I admit, this is where I got hella proud..."I have nothing to say". </p><p>What? Nothing? Why not?</p><p>I got hella proud again..."Because each time I have spoken, you have managed to turn this around on me". </p><p>We'll, be quiet this time. We will let you freely speak. What do you want to say?</p><p>The grand finale of being hella proud..."I have absolutely nothing else to say".</p><center><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="480" src="https://giphy.com/embed/zdq4DT1gHlxny" width="472"></iframe><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/nope-beyonce-no-zdq4DT1gHlxny">via GIPHY</a></p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: left;">Another thing therapy has helped me with - accepting apologies I'm never going to get. And with me knowing character, I know the apology is not coming and I'm not shaken by it. That's on them, not me.</p><p style="text-align: left;">Here is where being an empath and being aware of the spirits around me has helped me - what I saw in the spirit realm before the world shut down last year about my coworker has finally come to the full light. I've spent so much time defending that my guide said, "nah, time for you to see the real deal". Point taken, Guide. Point taken. </p><p style="text-align: left;">For those of your struggling in the spiritual realm and like <i>nah, that's not happening, </i>let me tell you what I have learned here recently...even though my azz was kicking and screaming. </p><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"></p><ol><li>Our spiritual guides love us, but we only get so many chances to take heed to the signs we have been given. That gut punch from not listening is no joke!</li><li>Stop trying to force relationships, friendships, workships with people that you know do not have your best interest at heart. Be cordial, but protect your space and peace at all costs!</li><li>Never, and I mean, NEVER discount yourself and what you are feeling. I questioned myself, my feelings, and my entire being and got burned. Lesson learned.</li></ol><div style="text-align: left;">My beautiful spiritual beings and empaths, take care of yourselves and make sure to be around people who know and love you for you. Trust me, you know who they really are! </div><p></p><p></p></center><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-56266833090597569452021-09-22T10:00:00.003-04:002021-09-22T10:00:00.208-04:00The Closing Act<p>I recently watched the Limited Series on Netflix called Turning Point: 9/11 and The War On Terror. Anyone alive who still has any memory of that day in 2001 can tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing. As for me, I was a high school junior in a US History class watching history being made. It's basically <i>what a time to be alive </i>in the worst possibly way. Life changed that day. </p><p>But what hurt me to my core while watching the series was when the following statement was made. </p><p style="text-align: center;">Forty percent of the people killed that day have never been identified. </p><p>Huh? I knew it was a lot, but never did I think that large of a percentage. But that made my brain float to another place. </p><p>Closure. We all desire it in our situations, but it looks so very different for all of us. Just recently I was told by an abused woman that she went to her abuser's funeral just to make sure it was him they were putting in the ground. For her, that was closure. Some people write things down and burn them. That's closure. Others blast some music and do a deep cleaning, spiritual and all! That's closure. </p><p>But what happens when you are forced into a closure you didn't ever think you would have to endure? I mean, what happens when you get put that deep of a situation? Where you are hanging posters up of your loved ones and you know they are either under stories of rubble or in a hospital being treated or in a morgue and they just haven't been identified. Where you still haven't heard from them for weeks, but you still flinch a little when you think someone is at the door. </p><p>Forced closure comes with a lot of pain. Unexpected hurt which aches each time you take a breath. But here we are, twenty years later, and the families of those forty percent still put one foot in front of the other each day knowing more than likely, the craving of closure, the one where you can lean down and touch or kiss your loved one just one last time, will never be satisfied. </p><p>How have you been able to deal with a forced closure?</p><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-67432286663343108532021-09-08T10:00:00.002-04:002021-09-08T10:00:00.192-04:00The Best<p>For those of you who don't know, I typically write my posts a week in advance. There are very few times you get a <i>written the night before posting </i>post. This post is no different. I'm currently enjoying some green tea on a lovely Saturday evening. I'm cozy and it's been a pretty good day. </p><p>In my old days of writing for publications and online sites, it was always a hustle and bustle to get things written before someone else got wind of it. I wanted to be first. Quite frankly, I had to be first. I had to break the story...but I never wanted to pull a TMZ. As I grew in my blog (yep, I was still running this blog while doing those other writings), I realized that wasn't the type of writer I wanted to be anymore. Honestly, I had a moment of <i>what were you thinking?</i> Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it, but the quickness of it in no way, shape, or form goes with my personality.</p><p></p><center><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="480" src="https://giphy.com/embed/MUG5tdqGaECvpWoV3T" width="480"></iframe></center><p></p><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/lifetimetv-lifetime-tv-movies-MUG5tdqGaECvpWoV3T">via GIPHY</a></p>I move quietly. I like to observe. I like to take my time. I enjoy getting my thoughts together instead of just getting out to press. I like not having to conform to a certain style. I like that if I need to take a break, I don't feel like I am letting anyone down. <div><br /></div><div>Right now, my plan is to post in this blog every second and fourth Wednesday of the month at 10:00am EST. If plans change, they just do. We are still smack in the middle of the epitome of <i>life happens. </i>All any of us can do right now is our best and that looks different for each of us. </div><div><br /></div><div>My current best is making the best out of a new situation I have found myself in. I asked for more time for something and it has been gifted to me. I hope I use it wisely and not make a mess. </div><div><br /></div><div>What is your current best?<br /><div><p> </p><p></p></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-68080015248135836612021-08-18T10:00:00.008-04:002021-08-18T10:00:00.181-04:00Who Am I? <p> <span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I pride myself on being as transparent as possible in this blog. Well, as transparent as I can healthily be. For those of you who have been reading over the past seven-ish years, you know that I’m basically an open book, while reserving the right to have some type of anonymity. But if you are new to this ride, I need to catch you up on this madness. </span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-87a1d1ef-7fff-cb7c-fa3a-59d1bc02b887"><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My birth name is Tameika, but in the bloggersphere, I go by MeikaShay. I’ve been blogging for almost 20 years, but only started to seriously blog in The Plus Diaries within the past decade. I’m a college educated woman with her Bachelor’s of Science degree. I have a love for fashion, being cute, and maintaining a healthy (for me) lifestyle. I'm a plus-size diva. I work for state government. And in all things, I try my absolute best to live my best life and go against what society says I should do. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><center><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="480" src="https://giphy.com/embed/5ULCLp7HziF4xTjQv7" width="480"></iframe><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/WilsonTennis-williams-venus-5ULCLp7HziF4xTjQv7">via GIPHY</a><span style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;"> </span></p></span></center><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But there is also another side to me. My name is Tameika and I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and treatment resistant depression. I am happily medicated and will probably be happily medicated and happily in therapy for the rest of my life. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I tend to call myself the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">happy depressive </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">because even on the days that I want to jump off a bridge or put my car in neutral and let it slide down a boat ramp into a lake, I still have a smile on my face. Don’t worry, I haven’t had any suicidal thoughts in a long time, but that doesn’t mean they might not ever come back. It’s a balance I have learned to live with and why I have no issue being on medication or in therapy. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why am I telling you this again (or telling you for the first time)? Well, mental health has been a hot topic lately because of the recent Olympic games and I know my truth. Having a mental health diagnosis is my truth. Plus, sometimes, I have to take a break to get back on track. Remember that hiatus I took long before we knew the rona was coming (and apparently never leaving)? </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The thing is, mental health isn’t a crutch. It isn’t something I use as an excuse. It’s a real thing for me. For the people around me who help me through, it’s a real thing for them too. It’s days of not eating. It’s days of only getting out of bed to use the restroom and shower. It’s getting to work and having a breakdown so horrific that your mentor makes sure you make it out of the building and into your car. It’s texting your boss and telling him, “it’s not happening today”. It’s showing up for everyone else and then going back into seclusion. It is me.</span></p><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-37426340762130838122021-08-11T10:00:00.007-04:002021-08-11T10:00:00.201-04:00Breathe In, Breathe Out<p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yoga has been absolutely a huge part of my mental health. Some days, my yoga isn’t about moving my body at all. It’s simply about being still, getting grounded, and allowing myself the moment to breathe. </span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-bee33277-7fff-957d-82d8-10ee6e6c3f3a"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Notice I said “allow myself”. We are so consumed with life that we take our granted our next breath. We think our next breath is always going to be there. But the fact of the matter is that it’s not. Our next breath isn’t going to happen one day and our body is going to go back to the earth from which it came. Don’t you think it’s a good idea to get acquainted with the place you came from and will eventually go back to?
</span></p><center><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="480" src="https://giphy.com/embed/krP2NRkLqnKEg" width="443"></iframe><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/help-satisfying-breathe-krP2NRkLqnKEg">via GIPHY</a></p></span></center><div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-6d77a16e-7fff-b408-4f21-af1e2103ace8"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Allow yourself to just breathe. No traditional power yoga movements you see so perfectly executed on the socials. Just allow yourself to be in mountain pose, easy pose, or savasana. Give yourself permission to take a break and relax today and for each day after this one! </span></p><div><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div></span></span></div></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-15250551063019311242021-08-04T10:00:00.006-04:002021-08-04T10:00:00.175-04:00Treat Yo Self Right<p><i><b>Author Note: This post was written after it was announced that Simone Biles would be competing in the balance beam competition in Tokyo for the 202One Olympic games. </b></i> </p><p>One day she posted she felt like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders and the next day the world flipped off its axis because she said she was essentially taking a mental health break. I supported Simone's decision then and I still support it now. </p><p>There were so many idiotic comments. <i>She should have just stayed home. She took someone's spot. Grow up. </i></p><p>Obviously those holier than thou people who believe strength comes from breaking and not from taking a break made those comments. </p><p>I wasn't there. I'm not sure what happened. This isn't the time or place to try to look through all her social media posts and try to figure out the code Simone was trying to send us. But here is one thing I do know as a happily medicated person that has a mental health diagnosis...</p><p style="text-align: center;">SHE MADE THE BEST DECISION FOR HER!!!</p><p style="text-align: left;">In 2018, I could be in the parking deck for my job and call out of work. Not because I didn't want to be there (and I'm pretty sure Simone wanted to be in Tokyo), but because I couldn't mentally be my best self on that particular day. With me being employed in a STEM field by day, I have to be on my game! </p><p style="text-align: left;">Simone's job is twisting and inverting her body in ways that seem to defy physics. Why in the hell would she put herself in danger when her mind isn't where it needed to be? That could be detrimental to her career and could possibly end her life! Kudos to her for choosing her safety and life!</p><p style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="480" src="https://giphy.com/embed/MWsJaFQYcD95IVjPAn" width="384"></iframe></p><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/TeamUSA-gymnastics-simone-biles-usa-MWsJaFQYcD95IVjPAn">via GIPHY</a></p><p style="text-align: left;">If anything I learned from this fiasco of comments, it's these few things...</p><p style="text-align: left;">1 - A lot of you are bitter for no reason because her decision had nothing to do with you or your money.</p><p style="text-align: left;">2 - A lot of you have absolutely no sympathy or empathy.</p><p style="text-align: left;">3 - A lot of you need to see a therapist. </p><p style="text-align: left;">By the way, I'm proud of Naomi too...even though I didn't write about her mental health withdrawal from an event when it happened. And on that note, I said what the hell I said! Go, Simone (and Naomi), go!!! It's the taking care of their mental health for me. </p><p style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="263" src="https://giphy.com/embed/S92wTYF3Nwh5k50tXR" width="480"></iframe></p><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/mtvawards-movie-and-tv-awards-mtv-2019-S92wTYF3Nwh5k50tXR">via GIPHY</a></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-86993730769485713862021-07-07T10:00:00.001-04:002021-07-07T10:00:00.171-04:00Doctor-1 Tameika-0<p> I absolutely hate going in for my yearly exam. Like, hate it! I don't like that thing being shoved up in me. My blood pressure is always sky high because of being there. Then I can see my dream of having a biological child slowly slipping away because I'm not getting any younger. So yeah, I hate it. </p><p><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="419" src="https://giphy.com/embed/y1WDIwAZRSmru" width="480"></iframe></p><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/angry-frustrated-y1WDIwAZRSmru">via GIPHY</a></p><p>But I truly adore my doctor and his nurse. He reassures me each year that he will do what he can to help ensure I have a healthy pregnancy (when that time comes). My nurse treats me like I'm her child and consoles me when she sees me about to break into a million pieces. </p><p>This visit was a bit different. I had been having issues with my period (which from here on out will be called <i>code red</i> because that is what I call it). So Code Red has been a whole fool lately - horrible clotting, unspeakable pain, and basically coming and going as it pleased (even though I was popping a pill each day to keep it regulated). Of course I tell my doctor...and that is when the argument began. </p><p>Doc: We're going to change your medicine to nuvaring.</p><p>Me: No we're not.</p><p>Doc: It's either this or a surgical insert because the pills are no longer working for you and causing you more harm than good.</p><p>Me: Ugh, I guess I'm doing the ring.</p><p><i>My biggest fear with the ring was it coming out. Not because of sex (because I am not sexually active), but because I was just afraid it was going to pop out because I was doing something wrong. Don't worry, I'll post about that later. </i></p><p>I was just waiting on Code Red to come so I can call him up and tell him <i>this ish didn't work. </i>But the fact of the matter is that I have probably had the easiest Code Red I've had in months. Still cramping, but I'm not close to death and I didn't experience any clotting, which is totally different for me. </p><p>So, the doctor def won this round and I'm happily admitting defeat because this went way too smoothly. However, I will continue to pay attention to my health and track my symptoms each month. </p><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-69139393869750365242021-05-19T10:00:00.051-04:002021-05-19T10:00:00.202-04:00MAYbe We Can Talk About Mental Health<p>May is Mental Health Awareness Month! How we have a whole month dedicated to this topic and yet still feel so bad when we try to talk about it. Talk about a face palm.</p><p>Living with a mental health diagnosis is pure hell. As much as people are doing well with their diagnosis (including myself), it's stilll pure hell. Mental Health is still so stigmatized in the United States that if you tell someone you have a mental health issue, you are laughed at or just considered straight up crazy. And if you're like me and in the African-American community, you're just supposed to pray about it and all things fall away...totally forgetting that somewhere in the good book, it says faith without works is dead. </p><p>For me, work looked like admitted I had issues, seeking treatment, taking my meds. Oh so simple, yet so hard because living with a mental health diagnosis is pure hell!</p><p>For those of you suffering in silence and not able to tell your family and friends of what you have going on, I stand with you. I was once there and I will never forget the feeling of seemingly to be alone. Keep reaching out. Someone will listen. </p><p>Once I took the step of actually admitting I needed help, the following things helped me. </p><p>1 - Therapy!!!</p><p>Look, my therapist is awesome. When we were fully allowed to go into the out, she would let me tear up her office and do whatever I needed to do in order to safely get out what was bothering me. As much as I love to write and share with you, actually speaking is a different beast. But she made the atmosphere comfy enough to where I knew I could freely speak. I am still in therapy. Honestly, I'll probably be a life long therapy patient. But that's cool with me. As long as I'm getting help and moving forward, I'll take all the therapy I can get. </p><p>2 - Medication</p><p>There is already such a stigma about discussing mental health, now you want me to tell people I'm on medication because of my mental health? Whew!!! Yes, I'm happily medicated and will remain happily medicated. My former pastor said it best, "you take medicine if your heart is giving you trouble, so why not take something if your brain is giving you trouble"? Me and my chemical imbalances will keep on medicating and that's that on that!</p><p>3 - Journaling</p><p>I've been keeping a journal since middle school. I don't remember really keeping anthing in elementary, but boy would I love to look back on those posts if they exist! I have so many journals and of course, this amazing blog. I typically just write. I let the words flow (and sometimes tears) and get what I need out in the open...on paper. Then I do have a few guided journals. I'm not really good with those (becauase I get it in my mind I MUST write in them each day), but I do look forward to picking up another guided journal and starting down a new path. </p><p>Of course, there are other things I've found helpful, but at this stage in my life, these are the ones helping me most. However you are dealing with your diagnosis, just please be safe. I know this path is hard and not straight. On the other hand, cheer during the good days and feel whatever you need to feel on the bad ones. No one understands your feelings better than you and NEVER let anyone else tell you different.</p><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-13908355885745704282021-05-10T10:00:00.005-04:002021-05-10T10:00:00.193-04:00The Only Person I Ever Tried To Hurt Was Myself<p><br />May is Mental Health Awareness Month. It has been observed in the United States since 1949. Over seventy years of trying to bring awareness to a subject, yet it is still so stigmatized. Thankfully, the use of lobotomy as a treatment for mental health has gone away, even though there are still people suffering from the effects of the procedure. But after seventy years, why is a person considered brave for treating every other illness other than mental illness? My hope is that in my lifetime, the conversation shifts. Quite frankly, I hope to see the conversation happen in the African-American community without it being swept under the rug of the person being basically exiled. Let me come off the soapbox. </p><p><i>Trigger Warning: The rest of this post will be about suicide.</i></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-style: italic; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5aVFmDHy0x1m9pjvwqBU4P5KtACX79ydNFoByv0OPC2LTJeBA2PEAyNfLXT68zh-m2CVESlUY9E9PR9u3z48_mzPwNocgIIpi1nCAfFFtkAH6RO24X4SUtLLn6ASfB16dG3YCz5wsbw/s1079/suicide+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1069" data-original-width="1079" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5aVFmDHy0x1m9pjvwqBU4P5KtACX79ydNFoByv0OPC2LTJeBA2PEAyNfLXT68zh-m2CVESlUY9E9PR9u3z48_mzPwNocgIIpi1nCAfFFtkAH6RO24X4SUtLLn6ASfB16dG3YCz5wsbw/s320/suicide+.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-style: italic; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Here is part of my story.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm happily medicated, but that doesn't mean I still don't think about it. I've even chosen how the method is going to be, should I choose to go through with it. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Suicide is considered to be very selfish and it is usually only mentioned after the person is gone. But why are you talking about a person who felt death was the only way out when there were warning signs? You can be hurt by their actions, but you don't get to question their actions, especially if you kept ignoring their pleas for help. Trust me, there were signs. There are always signs. However, this subject is still so taboo that those signs just get swept under the rug...and then it's too late. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">For me, I can identify with all four blocks of the photo. I have been in so much mental pain that physical pain seemed like a better option. If you have been with me for any amount of time, you know my pain tolerance is a negative seven on a good day. So for me to actually want to hurt myself means my brain is completely out of control with the anxiety and depression. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">How many days a week do I feel like a burden? All of them. All seven. The thought of me being a burden on someone just hurts my soul. I don't want to ever feel like a burden. It's those times when feeling like a burden gets overwhelming and I just want to end it all. If I'm not here, I can no longer be a burden. No one will ever have to worry about me. No one will have to worry about checking on me. I will just be gone and be off of their plates. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm the quiet friend. I'm introverted and not the biggest people person. If I allow you in my circle, you are absolutely important to me. I might not talk to you each day, but know that you are important to me. But that's just it - my circle is really small and I feel like I don't always contribute a lot because of me being an introvert, so why do they really need me? Wouldn't they just be better off without me? I can't even count how many times I've had that thought. It's a constant cycle that my mind goes through each day. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">My greatest loss was experienced sixteen years ago and it was horrific? The thing is, the loss never goes away. I'm not even going to tell you it gets easier to deal with. What I can say is that you learn how to adapt and find different ways to cope. The hardest days are the ones where I feel like my rainbow is actually slipping away. Those are the days where I feel like <i>what's the point of moving forward? </i>Those are the days where the tears are on overload (because you know I don't like the whole crying thing). Then I just slip into a place where I'm comfy, even though it worries people. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The weird thing is the pandemic did me very good. Quarantine was the best thing for me. I told my therapist she needed to use me as a case study. Do I still have suicidal tendencies? Yes. Have I acted on them recently? Nope. I am proud to say NOPE! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'll more than likely be in some type of therapy the rest of my life and most definitely on the medication. However, I'm proud to be in therapy and on medication. I'm pretty sure both are helping to keep me alive, even on the days I don't feel like moving forward in this journey called life.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Check on your strong friends. Listen to them without judgement. Love them for who and where they are. </div><p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-56170376137655246082021-04-24T10:00:00.001-04:002021-04-24T10:00:00.188-04:00It Was the Communication For Me<p>I've been taking trips down memory lane this past week. Not sure what brought these thoughts to my mind, but maybe I just needed to get some things out of my system. </p><p>Here we go...</p><p>The last couple of years I lived in Charlotte, I had a huge crush on this guy. We ended up being friends and honestly, we had a great friendship. I heard through the grapevine that he liked me too, but we not one time went out on a date. We would see each other out in public and it was never awkward. We would see each other, chat, and had no issues. Like I said, a great friendship. And then, it was done. </p><p>When I left Charlotte, things happened with a quickness. I got the job offer on a Wednesday and they wanted me to start on the following Monday. Life comes at you fast, right? However, my boss asked if they could keep me for one more week and that was allowed. But came the tasks of telling people I was leaving and that's where things got a bit messy. </p><p>I wanted to tell him myself. I didn't want to text him. I didn't want to send him a message on social media. I wanted to tell him face to face. I mean, my new job was in another state and that meant a move was eminent. </p><p>Remember, the job offer came Wednesday. To be more clear, it came Wednesday morning. I had already seen him before that phone call came and our schedules that afternoon just didn't line up. Ugh, time just wasn't on my side. Then came Thursday afternoon. </p><p>I told him "hello" and I could tell by his tone he already knew I was leaving. </p>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="297" src="https://giphy.com/embed/CH7wqNzu5SS8o" width="480"></iframe><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/transparent-martin-lawrence-CH7wqNzu5SS8o">via GIPHY</a></p><p>"When do you leave"? That question still stings a bit 10 years later. I knew that was <i>good-bye. </i>We knew that was <i>good-bye. </i></p><p>I start my new job and move south a short time later. Hamed and I still remained friends and then distance got the best of us, especially since he ended up moving a few states north. It just wasn't meant to be for us, but something always bothered me. We liked each other. Our age gap wasn't an issue. What the hell was wrong?</p><p>Hamed wanted to tell me face to face, but that wasn't possible. Social media it had to be. </p><p>Even though we never dated, there are two things I will always be grateful for when it comes to him - he was a great friend and he was honest with me.</p><p>He had a drug problem that he couldn't shake. I knew about the alcohol. But when he was ready, he told me about the drug issue. He moved to be closer to family and to get help. He knew there was not anything I could help him with and he didn't want me to get caught up in his mess. I respected him so much for that. </p><p>No, I wasn't mad at him for not telling me earlier. We all eventually talk when we are ready to talk. He told me when he was ready. Who knows, maybe the distance helped him to be able to tell me. For all I know, it could have been part of his treatment. </p><p>Other than this random trip down memory lane this week, I only think about Hamed one day a year and that is on his birthday. In the early years after we moved, I would reach out. Now, I just let it be and hope that he is having a blast and living his best life.</p><p>This level of communication is a beautiful thing. It didn't happen how he wanted it to happened, but at least he was man enough to let me know the truth. </p><p>*Names have been changed*</p><p><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-64522503659077619422021-04-07T15:42:00.000-04:002021-04-07T15:42:35.943-04:00Here We Effin Go Again<p>Yep, you read that right...we back to this madness again. What madness? The effin body positive movement...that <a href="https://theplusdiaries.blogspot.com/2019/03/bopo-5-oh.html" target="_blank">I wrote about</a> in early 2019. Since we are still arguing about this at least two years later and it truly seems to be no end in sight, can we agree to call it something with the word <i>negative </i>in it because ain't nothing positive about this madness. Or how bout we do what I previously suggested - throw the whole movement away!!!</p><p>Since there is really no good place to start, we just gonna start. People went cray cray because Loft did all this madness to be inclusive and then they had the audacity to blame the pandemic for no longer carrying plus sizes. I'm not even going to try to dissect the Lena Dunham mess. Yall can have that! It's so much more, but lawd, it's entirely teeeeew much!!! </p><p>My idea is let's just call it what it is...the body <i>something </i>movement sham! Follow me for a little bit as I use someone as an example that I know very well - MYSELF!!! </p><p>I always took body positive to mean being comfy in your own body. I think we are all constantly trying to be comfy in our bodies, no matter the size...but back to me. As the standard, I wear a size 16 to 18. Would I love to get down to a 14, but guess what? I'm still gonna be plus-sized. So, a plus-sized size 16 or 18 has been called a <i>small </i>plus-size. Even in the plus-size world, some don't think I'm big enough to be a plus-size. Confused yet? Damn, we just getting started.</p>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="giphy-embed" frameborder="0" height="371" src="https://giphy.com/embed/QjIz1AqkGTszK" width="480"></iframe><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/week-wtf-moments-QjIz1AqkGTszK">via GIPHY</a></p><p>Then there is what has been dubbed <i>the acceptable plus-size body. </i>Huh? Yall can't even agree on what is plus-size and yall have the audacity to want to police what is acceptable? I digress. So, the acceptable plus-size body is the woman who has non-jiggle thighs, very little back fat, nice arms, no tummy and ALL OF THIS without wearing a <i>foundation. </i>The nerve. </p><p>So if you follow that definition, I definitely don't have the acceptable plus-size body. I'm plus-size, but some people think I'm <i>too small </i>and others say I'm <i>not acceptable. </i>Where do I fit in? Where do any of us considered plus-size fit in?</p><p>Let's just stop before we get so much further behind because we are definitely not getting ahead. I don't have the solution. I'm not even sure how to start the conversation. But something has to give because obviously what has been happening is not working. </p><p>Do you have any suggestions? </p><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-34987878135943321892021-03-17T13:44:00.001-04:002021-04-24T19:07:49.960-04:00Coming Home...from a date<p>Well, just like those TV shows and movies being revamped, so is this blog. I took some time to really think about what I wanted to do and I just couldn't let this baby...my baby die. So, we're coming back. I'm coming back! Of course I'm going to make some changes - that is what growth is all about. But the fact that this has been my personal space for years and that you allowed me to be part of your lives is something I just wasn't quite ready to let go of just yet. Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever be able to let go. I'm a writer at heart and this is a safe and welcoming space. And from the bottom of my heart, thank you for allowing me back. But let's get to why you are all really here...</p><p>At the encouragement of a few people, I've allowed myself to be immersed fully in the dating pool. Look, these streets are rough, especially for a mid-30s chick who is seemingly searching for a unicorn. But hey, it can happen. </p><p>I don't want to say this person broke my heart last year, but I will say that I was disappointed with his actions. Actions and words need to line up and if you not serious about something, stop doing serious ish. But this isn't about him.</p><p>There is also one who has had my attention for a couple of years, but for some reason won't plan a date. Let me say this - we are friends, but he also knows how I feel about him. Yeah, trying this new thing called being vulnerable and ish is too real. But because we are friends, I hope he doesn't think it has to be like this big grand date. He could take me out to Sonic for an oreo blast and I would be cool because I'm just getting to spend some time with him. Hmmmm...as I write, I just had a thought - maybe he doesn't want time with me. Thoughts?</p><p>So, here comes the final farewell that I thought was final, but caught me by surprise. </p><p>I let Bumble (the app) go at the beginning of the year. I told my <i>friend </i>that in hopes that he wold be like "yay", especially since he told me he deleted the app too. I had one person I had talked to over the holiday season (for my new peeps, my holiday season starts at Halloween) and we had exchanged numbers. We talked all through January and then I got ghosted. </p><p>It's not like this hasn't happened to me before and in my past life, I was good at ghosting people. Remember, growth is a beautiful thing. Out of the blue this week, I get a text from this person and because I'm working on vulnerability, I straight up told him that I was shocked to hear from him. He explained himself (that myself and my sisters have deemed as legit) and he even apologized. Say what nah? Yes, yall, a whole apology. Throughout the entire day, he kept texting and I admit, I was happy to chat with him after all the ish he had gone through. So, I get ready to go home and prepare my voice for the 20 to 30 minute concert that I'm about about to partake in. Just before I get on the highway, I see a text and it says...</p><p><i>I'm at (bar). Would you care to join me? </i></p><p>Huh? Wha? Like, for reals? And then he asked...</p><p><i>Do you want something to eat? If so, we can go (here). </i></p><p>Sir, I've only had a salad all day and I needs some food!!! We ended up at a place and in an abundance of caution, I let a couple of people know where I was. We ended up being out longer than I thought and I checked in with my people and because I didn't want to be rude, I let him know what I was doing. He completely understood. Seriously?</p><p>So, in a matter of 18 hours, this MAN made contact with me, apologized, <i>planned </i>and executed a date, let me pick where I wanted to sit (wherever I felt safe), understood me checking in with my people, told me up front he was paying (don't worry, my wallet stay ready), held the door open for me, walked me to my car, only touched me when he was hugging me during our initial greeting and good-bye, and made sure I made it home safely. </p><p>THIS is what we mean when we ask people to plan something. No, it doesn't have to be elaborate. He stated he wanted to spend time with me and he made it happen. You can't keep telling people you want to spend time with them and then never have it happen. People get tired of waiting and will move on. </p><p>But it felt so good to come home from a nice time with someone who wanted to actually spend time with me. I hadn't felt that in a long time (COVID aside) and it was a great feeling to have. </p><p>So, peeps, how is your dating life going? </p><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-9608047432274352192020-12-19T23:38:00.003-05:002020-12-19T23:40:31.930-05:00The Farewell to TPD<p>It may come as no surprise to you that I took a tiny break off from writing...in this blog. I didn't think it was going to be an 18 month hiatus, but ya know...2020 ish just made it like that. </p><p>2020 ish. I mean it's been a hell of a year. It's been a hell of a year for everyone. I can't deny that. All of our lives have been put in shambles in some way...the quarantines, the loss of family and friends, the absolute madness of not even being able to grasp what was going to happen next. Life flipped upside down and not a single one of us saw it coming because I would like to believe that someone would have stopped this. </p><p>Families have died of a virus that seemed to come out of nowhere. Not copying what I heard on the news, just saying what has happened to some extended family of mine. People have struggled with their mental health and suicide rates have increased. The world witnessed the death of someone by the knee of a person sworn to serve and protect (never seen it, never will). We had a madhouse of an election season. And quite frankly, we're all a little bit scared of what next year is going to bring. </p><p>But 2020 has also brought about some beautiful things. People found a new appreciation for smaller things. People found a new appreciation for people. I would like to think <i>please </i>and <i>thank you</i> became used more often (one can hope). New lives have joined this great big world that doesn't seem so large anymore. Change has happened. Growth has happened. </p><p>Growth. It's not a bad thing. In fact, it's in inevitable. I've done quite a bit of growing myself. </p><p>I've been in therapy for 16 of the 18 months I've been on a blog writing hiatus. A person I was dating...well, that ended. I got a new job and basically learned it while working from home (you know because of the whole pandemic thing). Lost someone who was like a brother. Gained a niece. And...</p><p>I decided to start over in the writing world. I got a few certifications that I had been wanting. And now it's time to introduce you to it all. </p><p>I'm proud to introduce you to FiveTwo! Under this giant umbrella, there is a <a href="https://www.instagram.com/5.2.designco/" target="_blank">decor company</a>, a <a href="https://www.instagram.com/5.2.selfieco/" target="_blank">self-care company</a>, and (you probably knew this was coming) a blog. I am still very much in the infancy of this company, but I am so excited of what I've done so far. The decor company part is a little easy to explain. I can make some personal pieces for you on paper, wood, and other mediums. The self-love part is something that needs a bit of explanation. I'm using that part of the umbrella to teach yoga, practice mindfulness, and just have some self-care chats on IG Live. And fyi, there are FREE YOGA CLASSES all December. </p><p>So, yes, this blog is coming to an end, but it will not be deleted. This is where I started blogging seriously. This is where I broke out of one of my shells. This is where I gained amazing opportunities. This is where I virtually met some wonderful people. This is where I grew. I'm just having another growth spurt and it's time to close this chapter. </p><p>I hope you continue to watch me grow and be on the lookout for the new blog. I'll update both umbrella pages on Instagram with the information once everything is ready. </p><p>THANK YOU for all these years and allowing me to share this part of my life with you. Cheers to the future...whatever that may bring. </p><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-59339489239557980162019-06-19T09:00:00.000-04:002019-06-19T20:59:46.123-04:00Listen Up! I love music. You can look at my playlists and see that I love music. I love different types of music. But music is not always what I need. To the rescue came podcasts. I started out looking for podcasts hosted by brown girls, simply because I am one. Then I started branching out and one of those branches have also led me to an author and I'm excited to read her book. So, here's what I am listening to.<br />
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Therapy for Black Girls<br />
A Date With Darkness Podcast<br />
Avalaura Heal My Life Podcast<br />
Dateology<br />
Tasia Talks<br />
Girls Night with Stephanie May Wilson<br />
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Not every episode resonates with me, simply because of the season I'm in right now. However, it is great to know that I can go back and listen to stuff when the time comes.<br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/therapyforblackgirls/?hl=en">Therapy for Black Girls</a> with Dr. Joy is amazing! It hits on so many different topics and she has wonderful guests. My favorite thing about this podcasts is that it doesn't shy away from mental health issues. Grant it "therapy" is in the title, but I didn't know what to expect. There are plenty of other topics and even a Thrive Tribe.<br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/adatewithdarknesspodcast/?hl=en">A Date with Darkness Podcast</a> is all about narcissists. This podcast was so eye-opening for me because of a couple previous relationships. I absolutely love the fact that Dr. Jones is so willing to tell her own stories to help connect to her audience. It helps to make it real and makes you realize that you are not the only person that has endured these relationships.<br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/healeravalaura/?hl=en">Avalaura Heal My Life Podcast</a> is all about getting you completely together. It's almost as if Avalaura is sitting in front of you and telling you to "pull yourself together". I mean, she is a life coach so I guess that is the point.<br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/dateology_pdcst/?hl=en">Dateology</a> is pretty cool. It's about Christian dating. I've never been in a Christian relationship, even though I am one. I want my next relationship to be Christ centered. I'm looking forward to that. Candice and Matt speak from the heart and walk with you without yelling at you. Grant it, they are stationed on the West Coast and their events are all there. However, I do believe they are worth a listen.<br />
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<a href="https://twitter.com/Tasia_Talks">Tasia Talks</a> holds a special place in my heart. Not only have I had the absolute pleasure of meeting Tasia, but I had the pleasure of being a guest on her show. Geeeezzzzz...that was awesome! The thing I love about this podcast is that you really don't know what to expect. That's fun for me and it keeps me wanting to listen for more.<br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/smaywilson/?hl=en">Girls Night with Stephanie May Wilson</a> is my current favorite. I honestly don't know how I found this podcast, but I'm glad I did. Stephanie and her guests talk to you as if you are sitting right there with them having a cup of coffee or stuffing your face with pizza. Stephanie has become my bff in my head and I would absolutely love to meet her. Stephanie is also the author of The Lipstick Gospel and I am looking forward to reading it this year. This podcast is unique because although she is married, she seems to have a heart for singles (which seem to be forgotten about in many churches). Since that is my current season, I'm enjoying hearing both sides from her. It gives me hope!<br />
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And that brings me to some big news...<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I'm stating a podcast!!! </span></div>
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The Plus Diaries Podcast will launch July 10, 2019! I am so excited and I am looking forward to chatting with you. So, I will still be posting here every 1st and 3rd Wednesday of the month. The podcast will drop every 2nd and 4th Wednesday. Posts in both medias will go live at 9am EST.<br />
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I am so excited to share this part of me with you. Although I'm scared that you will hate the sound of my voice, I'm hoping that you push through with me because I have to hear it too. The first season will be 10 episodes long and that will allow me to have a break in December.<br />
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Make sure to leave me a comment if you have listened to any of these podcasts. Also feel free to let me know of any topics you would like to hear on The Plus Diaries Podcast.<div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-40479494111673819942019-06-05T09:00:00.000-04:002019-06-05T09:00:04.647-04:00Enneagram TypeRecently, I've fallen in love with podcasts. Google Play and Spotify have been helping me with this. Eventually, I'll do a dedicated post for podcasts, but right now, I'm going somewhere else. <br />
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Two of the podcasts I listen to (Dateology and Girls Night with Stephanie May Wilson) had mentioned Enneagram types. I totally accept that I'm a bit of a weirdo and that meant I was absolutely intrigued. In other words, I took <a href="https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test">the test</a>. <br />
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I am Enneagram Type 6w5. Here are some traits that go with this type. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Personality Type</b></span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>seek support and guidance</li>
<li>be hard-working and intellectual</li>
<li>fear losing their stability</li>
<li>project their feelings onto others</li>
<li>think logically and analytically</li>
</ul>
<div>
I am here for all of these except projecting my feelings. I'm an introvert and I tend to shut down. Not trying to be rude, but sometimes I'm just not cool with being around people. At the time this post is being written, I've been out two weekends in a row. Next weekend, I'm going into hiding (other than going to church). </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Strengths</b></span></div>
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<li>solving problems practically and efficiently</li>
<li>focusing on specifics and details</li>
<li>ability to work well independently</li>
<li>passion for pursuing knowledge</li>
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Yep, this is all me. It may take me a bit to think through it, but I will get a problem solved. I am extremely detailed oriented. I'm not to the point where I want everything to be perfect, but I do love details. As previously stated, I'm an introvert. I love working alone and I tend to be more productive that way. If I could still be in college, I would be. I'm a professional learner. This is why I've started really loving podcasts because I am so getting different perspectives on life and I'm enjoying the ride. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Blind Spots</b></span></div>
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<li>struggling to control negative thinking</li>
<li>tendency to withdraw from others</li>
<li>difficulty expressing their own emotions</li>
<li>being perceived as cold or aloof</li>
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Again, all me. I have at least one negative thought every 30 minutes I'm awake. However, I try to counteract this by having at least two positive thoughts every 30 minutes I'm awake. I do withdraw from others. I'm at my best when I'm alone and thinking. As for the emotional stuff, I think it depends on the situation. There is a time and place for everything. I do think I am perceived as cold. I have resting brat face (RBF) and I am fully aware. I refuse to force a smile because I believe in being authentic. However, if I pass you in the hallway or on the street, I will at least acknowledge your existence with a nod, smile, and if I'm up to it, a "hello". </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Motivation and Energized</b></span></div>
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<ul>
<li>reliable relationships and jobs</li>
<li>feeling valued and appreciated by others</li>
<li>advocating for the underdog</li>
<li>finding a good solution to a complex problem</li>
</ul>
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I am all for stability, as you can see in the previous section. I am all for giving people their flowers and making sure they know they are valued and appreciated. As long as you are doing right, I'll advocate for you. Those complex problems, I'm a civil engineer and I'll just leave it at that! </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>What Drains Me</b></span></div>
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<ul>
<li>inconsistency or unexpected change</li>
<li>feeling rejected or useless</li>
<li>making an unhelpful or misguided decision</li>
<li>needing to express themselves emotionally</li>
</ul>
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I appreciate change, but it's the quick ones that make me feel horrible. I believe in consistency. I hate feeling useless and if I feel like that, I will just bow out. As for the rejection, oh do I have a post for you!!! It's coming. Believe me, it's coming! I hate giving advice or making a decision without all the info. If I'm not helping you, I just feel bad. After a good cry, I need a good sleep. Period, point blank. </div>
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Well, that's me. I'm type 6w5 and I think I wear it proudly. If you would like to see what you are, <a href="https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test">click here</a> to take the test. And once you do, please let me know what you are in the comments! </div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-37386711589469774652019-05-15T09:00:00.000-04:002019-05-15T09:00:00.229-04:00PainfulAyesha Curry has been the talk of all the innanets for about two weeks now. I'm not going to dwell on this because I have other things to discuss. However, I will say that I wished she would have kept that in a private family conversation. Just because you are in the light doesn't mean it all has to be in the light. Also, I get it. We all want to feel wanted. Even the people clowning on her want to be wanted. But go on ahead and continue to go off about her living a lavish life when you cannot figure out how to live your best one. Moving on...<br />
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I didn't do my first Wednesday post this month. Yall are just going to be hearing from me once in May. But, I try to be as transparent as I am comfy with. So, without telling too much, let's just say the end of April and the first 12 days of May have been a horrible hell that I didn't even know could exist. However, I'm moving along and still standing. Let's be real - anxiety is a real piece of work!<br />
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Honestly, that's all I have right now. I'm very much in a transition phase and I'm completely over it. It physically hurts and yall know I do not handle pain very well. But, June is another month and I am definitely looking forward to whatever it brings. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be in a better headspace to give yall a clue as to a little bit of what is going on with me. <div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-53297732730360655392019-04-17T09:00:00.000-04:002019-04-17T09:00:03.179-04:00POWER<b><span style="font-size: large;">Disclaimer: I will be mentioning my Christianity. It's not the full topic of conversation, but it will be in here in a few spots. Proceed with caution. </span></b><br />
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"He has kids because God knew when you met him, you wouldn't act right."</div>
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This isn't the first time this has been said to me. Well, not in these words. It's always something and then <i>you wouldn't act right. </i>Now the first time this was said to me, I got a bit spicy. As it has been a continued phrase in my life, I honestly haven't paid it that much attention. Why? I know my relationship with myself and I know my relationship with Christ. So, I did tell you that religion was not going to be a big thing in here, so I won't drop scripture on you. However, we are going to have a little chat about energy. <br />
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I've been extremely in tune with myself lately. I've accepted a few things about myself...<br />
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I'm an empath</div>
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I'm healing</div>
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I'm on a path of discovery</div>
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Did you noticed how I took ownership of those things?</div>
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I feed off people. I don't have to have a physical contact with a person to <i>feel </i>them. I can be in their space and know something isn't right. But when there is a physical touch, OMG. Let me tell you, I FEEL that!!! Unless you are at that place in your life, I cannot break it down for you to understand...but just follow me for a bit. I promise I'm going to get you somewhere. Actually, my goal is to get you confused so that you go and do whatever research you need to do to learn about yourself. For me, it started spiritual and then evolved. Now PLEASE UNDERSTAND, I read my bible and I take notes when I do, but that just isn't how this is working for me. <br />
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In my solo bible study, I started with a study about soul ties. LET ME BE CLEAR - SOUL TIES ARE NOT JUST ABOUT SEX!!! There are several ways to be tied to people. It can be physical, emotional, and definitely spiritual. I was a little blind to that. I understood physical, but I had to dive into the other two. There is a process of breaking soul ties (whole nother discussion for a different time and place). I will tell you this though - you have to be mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually ready to break soul ties. This is not something to step into lightly because if you are not fully committed to it and ready, YOU WILL FAIL!<br />
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It was also around this time I got back into a serious yoga practice. I have not fully researched my chakras, but it's coming. However, the studio I go to is very great about teaching breath. In everything that we do, we are breathing. In sleep, in anger, in sadness, in whatever...we breathe. I have learned how to find a center through my breath. My yoga practice has taught me to do this and allowed me to be able to do this any time of the day. Yoga, for me, is also an energy. I feed off my instructor. They set the tone for the class. We constantly feed off people and people feed off you. However, since I'm empathic, it's a lot bigger for me. Again, now isn't the time or place to get deep into that. <br />
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I've done a fasting study. Currently, I'm on a study of healing and it's been some rough days. On the other hand, I've been able to dig deep and speak my truths and set greater boundaries. For instance, this year, not everyone can hug me. It's been respected, but there are still some people who feel like they can force a hug. Not today!!! I have absolutely no problem pushing you away from me. Touch is a powerful thing. Let me get your attention - TOUCH IS A POWERFUL THING. Alright, now let's go back to the beginning. <br />
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"He has kids because God knew when you met him, you wouldn't act right."</div>
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I was at an event recently and as I walked through the door, I was greeted with a handshake by a very nice gentleman. I felt him IMMEDIATELY!!! I could feel the transfer of energy. Later that night, he walked up behind me to get by me and politely said, "excuse me", but he did touch my shoulder. I felt it again. Obviously, my back was to him if I didn't see that he needed to get by. Just from his touch (even though I was just meeting him), I knew who it was. <br />
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For those of you who follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/TheMeikaShay">Twitter</a>, you might remember a tweet from my <a href="https://twitter.com/TheMeikaShay/status/1107715559762870274">birthday</a>. My crush gave me a hug for my birthday. I felt him. Not only is he very attractive in my eyes, but I enjoy conversation with him. But, most important, our energies vibe. <br />
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Yall probably thinking this is only about guys - nah! I was around a group of ladies a few weeks ago and I knew I couldn't be around long. Just tonight (yep, writing before the day of the actual posting), my yoga instructor tonight exuded something so bright that I actually hugged her before I left. Crazy part is that we were her first ever class. How great was that?! <br />
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"He has kids because God knew when you met him, you wouldn't act right."</div>
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Don't imprint your lack of self-control on me. I happily act right. In case and of you have missed my last few announcements, I've been celibate since February of 2017. I can't remember the date of the last time I had sex, I just know it was in January of 2017...so I just say February to make it easy for me. I happily act right because I don't want to have to break those types of soul ties ever again. That process almost broke me and I don't want that feeling ever again. But, what is it about you that immediately turns to sex instead of wanting to get to know a person? Let's stop using sex as a drug to heal something that won't go away until you properly deal with it. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4rE0MdHQcYa0XuO_jpIhGF_7K2J2lTIXt3wce_Jt1ef47oEi-435cMu3oQkgQ5ch6thF5IWeFnjLzb51WzwIf7yYrJ5YzFKKivFxXHd3MBMiJIblaU8a1p0y62Xrau28cyE9SYiMHmQ/s1600/20190416_210947.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="608" data-original-width="720" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4rE0MdHQcYa0XuO_jpIhGF_7K2J2lTIXt3wce_Jt1ef47oEi-435cMu3oQkgQ5ch6thF5IWeFnjLzb51WzwIf7yYrJ5YzFKKivFxXHd3MBMiJIblaU8a1p0y62Xrau28cyE9SYiMHmQ/s320/20190416_210947.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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As I continue to heal and take better care of myself, I'm so looking forward to what I'm going to learn about myself next. We will definitely dive in a bit more later, but I think I've had yall reading long enough. However, I'm curious - WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED ABOUT YOURSELF RECENTLY?</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-627222436493842762.post-77973201338861619292019-04-03T09:00:00.000-04:002019-04-03T09:00:06.382-04:00Many Years of Thursdays<b><span style="font-size: large;">Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I had a blog post ready to type. I was going to tell you about my birthday month and all the fun I had during March celebrating with family and friends. And then, Thursday, March 28 happened and Grey's Anatomy hit me with Episode 19 of Season 15 titled <i>Silent All These Years. </i>As hard as it was for me to admit my story, when I posted tweets about being triggered and the experience, I finally typed <i>WE </i>instead of simply saying you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I along with many people were triggered by that episode that night. Quite frankly, it's hard for me to write this post, but I'm going to push through. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">My typical Thursday looks like this - work, workout, do a devotion/bible study, eat, shower. At 8pm EST, I am only communicating via <a href="https://twitter.com/TheMeikaShay">Twitter</a> because I'm going all the way in with the live tweets and enjoying my time with the Grey's Anatomy and Station 19 viewers. It's part of my boundary that I am strongly holding on to this year. However, that particular Thursday, I was triggered to the point where I just stood in my shower and let the water take me away and then went to bed. There was no Station 19 for me...at least not "live". </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm good at holding emotions (like not lashing out or other stuff). My face will show my annoyance, but other than that, I just wait it out. But that Thursday, something came over me that I hadn't felt in a long time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I went all the way back to the event. I went back to when I woke up and was trying to figure out what was happening. I went back to why. I went back to <i>what is he doing</i>. I went back to a time I wish I could forget. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I still haven't cried from Thursday. I still haven't cried from all those years. That night is in a box, not so tucked away anymore. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">There are many of us like that. We're still processing. And guess what? That's perfectly fine. As with any trauma, we should know that we are allowed to take as much time as we need...even if it means remaining silent for years. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'll stop there. This is a lot to write. After all these years, it's just still a lot. But WE go through each day and we constantly survive. I stand with you. I send a virtual hug to you. And I love you. </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">instagram.com/themeikashay</div>MeikaShayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15944619603323580650noreply@blogger.com0